Miracles
by LeatherLeaf
Summary: Now that Raphael is aware of his ability to love, will his fear of rejection stop him from ever telling Amber how he feels? See the world through the eyes of Raphael as he tells his story of how a young bookstore owner resurrects emotions he never thought he had. Rated T for language and Adult R&R! TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! U guys make me happy! thnx 4 READING!
1. Chapter 1

Hello! This is my first submission. I hope you enjoy! I welcome ANY comments… I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING FROM TMNT! But I LOVE them so much!

**1 Angry Overture**

I never thought it would ever be possible for me to find someone like Amber, but I did. I first meet her the night I get lost.

"What the fuck? I've lived down here for 25 years and now this?! Ugh! …I'm just glad I'm alone."

I'm too stubborn to go back the way I came and I'm too proud to call my brothers for help. It's all because I'm a hothead! Once my temper gets the best of me I wander away from the lair until I cool off. I never get too far. Sometimes I go up top and perch on a roof. Sometimes I muck through the sewers. This time I'm so angry, I'm not even sure how far down the pipeline I travel once the red leaves my eyes… "Oh well, I ain't got nothin' better to do now, so I might as well keep goin'."

It's now one a.m. I'm pissing myself off. Grumbling, cussing…. I still don't know where I am! I suddenly stop and listen. It's very quiet right now, even for underground. I'd regularly hear water running or dripping, pipes popping, cars going by overhead… but nothin' now. I swing my cheap little flashlight around and realize that I'm standing on black and white tile, much cleaner than I expect. I look up and see a manhole cover, the first one in over an hour. Something strange… there is a metal ladder going up, the kinds used in scaffolding. I climb up and see a dead lamp with its electrical wires fitting through a hole in the heavy lid. What the hell. I push up and cautiously look inside.

It looks like a basement. Faint light is shining through a thin window facing the street. I can hear a couple cars go by now. My eyes adjusting, I see some very old steps, a closet door and a stack of boxes. I also see something catching the light in the far corner. In that corner, on top of a stool I see a six-pack of beer… I am stupid sometimes. I'm being stupid right now. But I'm also the only one in the room. And I ninja stealth like a boss! ...I'm also an over-zealous rationalizer too, as my brainy brother would put it. I keep the manhole cover propped using one sai and roll over the wrinkled tatami mat toward the stool without a sound. I stand and inspect the beer. Knowing I should have just grabbed it and left, I pick out one of the bottles anyway. I don't even realize how cold it is. There is a bitter-looking tree drawn on the label. I wince and whisper, "Angry Orchard?" I use my other sai to snap the top off. Take a swig.

I don't notice this either, but as I close my eyes and become enthralled by the sweet taste of the hard cider, the door I assume is for a closet swings open and the light therein exposes every piece of me. The shadow of the person in the doorway runs over the stool and the disturbed case of spirits. My lips finally leave the half empty bottle and I exhale, "My, oh my, that's somethin' delicious…"

The person in the doorway speaks. Her first words sting my spine frozen.

"Uh, yeah, I know. That's why I bought it."

I look over at the woman wearing a big long shirt standing in the threshold of her bathroom door. Her figure slowly softens in the light behind her. I don't know what to do now. I feel so fuckin' stupid! Seconds go by and we still stand there looking at each other. I can finally focus on her face. It's expressionless. Her almond-shaped eyes, round nose, high cheekbones, her full lips, expressionless, kinda pretty too. Her arms are folded, holding a book in one hand. She's blinking a lot and her breaths are rapid. Her shoulders are stiff and her knees are locked. She's trying not to look startled but her body betrays her. She speaks again, shaking the book, "I just knew it… I knew this would happen one day. I keep reading these sci-fi books; I knew one day you aliens would come for me."

She shakes her head and smirks slightly. Really… she thinks I Star-Trekked into her basement to steal her alcohol and abduct her? It is kinda funny but I'm not ready to laugh yet. Her shoulders relax, maybe realizing the irony of it all, almost welcoming her 'demise'. She cocks her head, eyes still locked onto mine and I turn fully toward her.

"Sorry, I ain't no alien, sweetie." I shrug. "I'm… a mutant."

"Like that's a better option." She snaps at me and glances over at the open manhole cover. She frowns a little. I think I disappoint her with my way of entry, coming from below and not from above.

"What part of town is this?" I ask nonchalantly.

She furrowed her brow, "Brooklyn, 63rd Street."

I nod and down the rest of the sweet tonic in one big gulp and dangle the bottle with two fingers.

"Catch." I say as I toss the hollow bottle at her, I dash toward the manhole, slide underneath, grab and release my sai. The cover comes down in one loud clank by the time I'm at the bottom of the scaffolding ladder. I hope she caught the bottle. I reorient myself, now that I know where I am and head toward home. I smile broadly and hum a little laugh. I've never been called an alien before.

…

It's been two weeks since that night… since I'd stolen that fizzy apple ale. Later I had asked my hockey masked-wearing friend to pick up a six-pack. He'd asked me where I'd heard of it. I'd told him a bottle of it dropped from a sewer grate a while back. I tasted it and had been feenin' for it.

Now I'm sipping from the chilled bottle. It's cold, crisp and fruity. It reminds me of her. That night. Now that I think of it, she didn't scream or faint or anything when she saw me. She didn't shrink back or stutter. I mean, yeah, she was shocked and it's New York, you're bound to see a lotta crazy shit out here but…

I sink in my seat as my youngest brother jumps up, pauses his Halo game, tosses the controller and practically runs toward the bathroom. Judging by the hills and valleys of chip bags and chocolate bar wrappers strewn around his area where he sat, he'll be in the crapper for a while. I grab the remote and switch to the channels. Never nothin' good on, but, what ya gonna do? I unintentionally land on the public access channel. This goofy-looking host is walkin' toward the camera, storefronts of various wares behind him, "Welcome back to our New York hidden gems special, Brooklyn Hotspots. Today we focus on the bright and cheery corner of 63rd and Hudson."

Brooklyn…63rd…

The doofus rambles on about record stores and Internet cafés, vintage clothing boutiques and sandwich shops. I allow him to drone along and I begin to nod off.

Then I see her on the screen; her eyes, her nose, her cheeks, her lips. Yup. And she's smiling now, attending to her customers in the bookstore. Gooftroop host is still yappin', something about Bubba and his Bookstore been there over forty years and his niece has recently taken over. I just sit here, watching her intently. She looks much more at ease in the daylight. Her eyes dance around her work area as she wraps up the sold books and send her patrons on their way.

"Why wasn't she afraid of me?" I say aloud to myself. Hell, her fear or lack there of doesn't matter now. She saw me and knows I exist. I gotta do better! Me and my brothers are very careful to keep our identities secret. It's our most valuable possession. I don't wanna be hunted down or locked up or dissected because of stupid mistakes. We work in the shadows, protecting people while protecting ourselves. And I don't handle this responsibility loosely. I mean, yes, the only two human friends we have now were because of me. Okay. And yes, one of them happened to be a news reporter and she could have made a million dollars by ratting us out. So sue me!

…and there was that pizza delivery boy…

We were lucky.

Me and my bros seemed to be fated with the shadows. Helping but never thanked. Rescuing but never kissed. I just get tired of it sometimes. Yeah, people are real glad when they're saved from a mugging, or a beat-down, but how would they respond if they knew it was me who saved 'em? A six-foot tall walkin', talkin' bad-ass turtle? Well, there was that one time, I clocked this fool, smashed him against a dumpster, just when he was about to have his way with this chick. I shouldn't have revealed myself, shoulda just did what I needed to do and run off but… she was gorgeous! …Big green eyes, long wavy hair in like five different shades of blonde. It was mid winter, still very cold, and she was all bundled up. Her hat had been ripped off, thrown at my feet before I intervened. I decided to try my luck and hand her her hat. As she looked up at me from beneath the hard light of the lamppost, I literally saw her smile melt away and her green eyes got even bigger as they bulged. She was still screaming by the time the cops showed up. She was still screaming as I disappeared over the nearest building's ledge.

Never again.

Not until two weeks ago. Not until her…

But she was an accident.

Yawning, I hoist myself up, deciding to take a nap. I drop the remote on the couch, knowing Lil' bro would soon be returning. As I creep to my room, empty bottle in hand, the last words I hear the Corndog host on the TV say, "…If your ever in the Brooklyn area and you yearn to discover the real essence of the town, be sure to visit its people and their shops that make 63rd Street the charm of the district."

I just might.


	2. Chapter 2

**2 Tea Time At Dawn**

It's been a quite night, one big brawl! It's Five a.m. and me and my brothers start to head back home. Baby bro is flippin' giddy about tonight's accomplishments. It ain't often we do a drug bust so I'm smilin' too. We're getting better and better at fighting in pitch black. The night goggles brainy bro fitted us with don't hurt either. Fearless leader did this tornado kick, sending a group of dudes flying. It was fuckin' sweet! ...I ain't ever tellin' him tho. The cops show up just in time for us to be scarce. No one will ever know we were there.

I've never been anxious for our evening patrols to end. I'm always the first one in and the last one out. But tonight I have an additional agenda. I know I shouldn't go but certain thoughts keep naggin' me. I let my curiosity get the best of me. I tell my bros I'll catch up with them later. I quickly part with them in the sewers before they can protest. I head for lower Brooklyn.

About thirty minutes later I find myself standing on the black and white tile. I no longer need my flashlight. The dead lamp at the top of the ladder is now lit, shining brightly down on me. I climb up and see two things dangling from the manhole cover: a bottle of Angry Orchard tied to a string, and a note taped to the bottle. I can't believe she put them there. She's either really ballsy or nucking futs. I smile as I reach for the note:

'It's rude to drink and leave. Come in and push the white button.'

She must be crazy! Inviting an 'alien' from the sewer up to her place to toss back a couple?

… I must be crazy to oblige…

I lift the cover and inspect the room. Little has changed; the bathroom door is open, inside is unlit and unoccupied. I wonder if she's used it since that night we met. The window, the stool, the boxes, the old wooden steps… looking beside them I see the white button on the wall. Secure in my solitude I enter the room. I'm not sure if I should keep the cover propped or not. I remove it entirely and place it on the wrinkled tatami mat, allowing the lamplight from below to flood in. I notice the old wooden steps go up then around a corner. I creep up and around and see a large metal door at the top. I glance back at the white button, noticing a single wire leading from behind it and trailing up into the ceiling. I push the button.

Nothing. Of course.

I mean, really. It's almost dawn. She's probably asleep. I press the button again and walk up the steps. I run my left hand over the door, my right still gripping the bottle of alcohol. I don't see any hinges, no handle. I knock lightly. It's almost solid. I ball my fist and knock harder. Silence, and then…

_Knock… knockknock... knock… knock…._

I respond_, Knock Knock!_

Latches and bolts and locks are undone. I step back and the door recedes inward about an inch. At that moment I realize I am playing with fire. I have no idea who's on the other side. Did she alert the police? SWAT team? Animal control? I decide not to breathe until the person on the other side reveals themselves.

"Who is it?" it's her.

"It's me again." I say.

"Me, who?"

What the hell does she want me to say? It's not like where on a first name basis yet.

"It's… your cider-stealin' alien." I announce.

" I thought you said you were a mutant." She teased.

"Like that's a better option."

She pulled the door open a few inches more. "Can you please just show me your hand first?"

I hesitate. In the brief moments before she speaks again I imagine me reaching in and her chopping my fingers off… damn I'm morbid.

"It's just, I know you're there and I know you're real but… this time I'd like to take my time in meeting you again." She spoke softly.

I nod to myself. I slowly reach in with my left hand, palm down. I see my three fingers hit the light from inside and hear her inhale loudly.

"Wow." She says. I smile. Then unexpectedly, she takes my hand with both of hers. I've only touched one woman's hand before. Hers were just as small and soft. But these hands holding me now were very warm. The feeling ran up my arm. I'm standing on the other side of the door watching her hands examine mine, turning it over pressing into my palm. I watch the tips of her fingers roam up mine and polish my nails. It slightly tickles but I don't pull away. I laugh silently when she checks for my pulse.

"Well, doc, will I live?" I mock.

"Hmm. I guess so." She opens the door wide and gently leads me inside. Her head is bowed and her eyes are closed. I'm standing in front of her but she's afraid to look at me. Her hands are still holding my one, very tightly now. She is probably regretting inviting me in. I try to take the edge off.

"Listen, it's ok. I'm not gonna hurt ya…"

"No, It's fine just give me a minute…" She breathes deeply and exhales. Still looking down, she steps closer, opens her eyes and stares at me feet. She slowly lifts her head scaling my figure like she's climbing a mountain. She pauses and finally meets my gaze. I look into her eyes. They are a deep brown, big and attractive. She's so close I can smell her scent; it's like cinnamon and fresh soap.

"My Holy Lord…!" she gasps.

"Um, not quite. The name's Raphael."

"Amber… Grant." We shake the hands we've been holding in greeting. She finally let's go, steps back and takes me all in. I'm a little embarrassed being on display but I'll take this over screaming anytime.

She speaks "Well, Raphael, please come in. Welcome." I step aside and she closes the large metal door, which, surprisingly, is portrayed as a tall bookcase on the other side… a hidden door. She fits the door in place and re-shelves the books to conceal the locking mechanism.

She walks past me and leads me toward more steps.

"This is the bookstore." She displays with her hands. "I live upstairs. I didn't know when or if I'd ever see you again so I wasn't prepared… It's early. Would you like somethin' to drink? Coffee?"

"Yeah, coffee sounds good. Besides, it is too early for this." I hold up the bottle of hard cider in my right hand.

"Yeah, you right." She laughs.

We enter her apartment and she stops me at the door. She rushes over to her windows and pulls in the curtains. I thank her. I follow her into the kitchen and I sit on the stool she offers. She takes the green kettle from her stove and places it in the sink and lets the water flow. Her back is turned toward me so I take the chance to check her out. Well, I try anyway. She's wearin' that big long shirt again. It goes down to her knees. I guess she always sleeps in it. She doesn't seem to have a frail frame. And her hair is hidden under a scarf. I get bored and decide to look around the kitchen. It's dim. Only the light over the sink is on. The counters are stainless steal and the floor tile is gray. The sky blue cabinets above the counters are doorless so all her dishes are on display. Her fridge is sorta like mine, round, retro style. There are a lot of cookbooks on top of the microwave and a small cactus plant sits in front of a skinny block glass window. By the time my gaze comes back to Amber, I realize her back is still turned and the water is still running.

"Uh Amber? You ok?"

She jumps a little and stops the water, draining the excess from her kettle, "Yes, Raphael, I'm fine." She turns and smiles at me as she places her kettle on the stove, igniting the pilot, "I'm sorry. I was just staring into space, wondering if I'm dreaming, wondering if I turned around from the sink, you'd really be sitting there or if I'd just wake up."

I laugh, "I can't believe I'm here right now either. I understand. And call me Raph." She smiles and nods.

We don't say anything more as Amber continues to prance around her tight kitchen, recovering two mugs, some sugar, spoons. She places the items on the bar where I'm sitting. The kettle whistles and she turns off the fire.

"Do you like sugar or honey with your tea? I have lemons. Would you like regular or green tea?"

I sit, watching her ramble and fuddle around like it's the first time in her own kitchen. It's kinda adorable, "I though you were makin' coffee." I smirk. She stops and looks over at her cold coffee maker on top of the fridge. She then looks over at me. She rolls her eyes and sighs. I bust out laughing. She gives a sheepish grin and apologizes. I tell her green tea is fine.

We take our warm mugs and go into the living room. I sit on the big tan couch. She sits across from me in a dark leather recliner. Bookcases built into the walls surround us. We sip silently. The sun is starting to peak through small slits in the curtains. She sets her mug down on the coffee table between us. She pulls up her legs beneath her and stares at me intently. I know where this is heading.

"Okay Amber, not that I get to tell my 'creation story' a lot but when I do, I always go first." I take a sip and watch her brows rise, "Why don't we start with you this time? "

"Oh… okay." She takes up her cup and settles in her seat again.

"Tell me, where did you come from? You don't sound like a Brooklyn girl." I smile at her.

"I grew up in Pittsburgh."

"Go Steelers." I chant.

"Yeah." She muses, "Lived there all my life. I'm the youngest of three. My Sister is in California and my brother is in Topeka, Kansas. They have their own families now. My mom's still at home. She's an accountant. She's great. She worked hard raising us but always found time to take us on trips. We been a lot of places, Florida, Georgia, actually all the eastern coastal states. Never left the country though…. never been to New York til a little while ago either." She purses her lips.

"What about your dad?"

"I don't know my dad… I mean I know who he is but his presence was spotty. I wanted to know him… I remember being like nine or ten years old, that's when he would come by about once a week. We were so excited to see him, all smiles. I hated myself for changing so easily when he was around. 'Cause I knew one day he wouldn't come back. I was right…" She finishes her tea but continues to cradle the mug, looking down into the emptiness.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"No, it's fine Raph. It's my story. It's not perfect but it's mine. Besides, I've dealt with daddy issues the same way I do everything else; I write about it. I went to college for creative writing. Putting my feelings down on paper is very therapeutic. Funny, my mom does the same thing. While I was packing my bags, getting ready to move here, I came across some old letters in the attic my mom wrote to my dad. Some were sweet, some were raunchy, and some were mean as hell, but they were all beautifully written. I asked her why she kept them and Dad didn't have them. She told me, 'He was never worth my feelings. I wrote those letters for me. I'm ok with hiding how I feel from him, but it's not healthy for me to hide them from myself.'"

I nod, and then finish my own tea. I set my cup down and cross my arms, "What brings you to New York?"

"My Uncle Bubba died. His real name was Brian. I inherited this bookstore, the whole building actually, four floors. I don't use the two upper levels. I don't own that much stuff. Mine is the tallest building on the block so I can see for miles around. I gotta nice patio on the roof too…"

"How long have you been in Brooklyn?" As soon as I ask the question I realize I don't care about the answer. I just want her to keep talking. I like her voice. It's soft. And it sounds like she's rambling, but she knows exactly where she's going. She rolls along on a natural rhythm. It's like music.

"I've only been here five months. Now, I can run the shop with my eyes closed. The other shop owners are nice and invite me to do stuff but I'm a homebody. And I don't like meaningless conversation the way these New Yorkers seem to, so I do get lonely sometimes… Honestly Raph, this is the most I've talked to anybody since I got here. And I don't think I've ever talked about myself." She smiles, "I still miss Uncle Bubba a lot… I think he gave me the bookstore because I was his one and only pen pal. We wrote to each other for years. Some of his stories seemed really…unbelievable… but I loved getting his letters in the mail. He would write to me about all the trips he took around the world for books. He loved Japan. Letters were 'our thing'. When you can just call or text or email nowadays, I think he appreciated our correspondence relationship much more than a convenient phone call."

She stares at the drapes. The sun is much brighter now. Damn, how long has it been since I've seen the sun? The lines of light now hit Amber's fingers. She begins to rub her hands together in its warmth. I watch her and I get that feeling go up my arm again. She leans slowly against the recliner making it rock back and forth. I'm glad she seems to be more comfortable with me.

"Do you still have time to write while running the store?" I ask.

"Yes, all the time, everyday." She pauses, then, "I keep all my feelings down here in these journals." She points down at the bottom row of the bookcase behind her, thick and thin little books, all different colors. "I started a brand new one, I hope you don't mind. It's about you, only a couple pages so far…"

I stare at her. She's writing about me? I guess that's not too dangerous. It's just a journal, not an autobiography. My stomach is still stirring and I notice my left foot tapping.

"So, uh, what are your feelings so far… about me?" God! I sound like a teenage dork with a crush!

"Well, I'm not sure yet. I'm still trying to gauge how I fell about myself. I mean, I'm having tea and blind date conversation with a large turtle in my living room. I'm still wondering if I haven't just gone insane." She whines with mock hysteria, grinning.

I chuckle, "No, you're not insane. I'm thinking you're very brave. I mean, if I was you, and I saw me in your basement a couple weeks ago, I would have covered up that sewer hole with a new cement floor."

She laughs out loud. It's bright and lively. It's a nice feeling to make her laugh. She sobers a little, "Raph, You're amazing! I couldn't just let you disappear out of my life."

I can't believe she just said that.

"Ok, Raph. Tell me now. Where did you come from? Do you have a family? How did you learn English?"

"The sewers, yes, and a lotta TV."

She laughs again and that makes me laugh, "I'll tell ya my whole story, Amber. But before I do ya gotta understand. No one else can know this. I can't put my family in danger."

She nods, " I promise Rahael." She grabs a beige afghan from the floor and wraps herself up as she lies down in her chair. I lean my head on the armrest and lounge on the couch.

"It's kind of a long story. You sure you're up for this? When do you gotta open the bookstore?"

"Oh, I'm just fine, slept all through the night until you buzzed me. And it's Sunday so I don't open up shop til noon." She smiles and nods at me to begin.

I smile back and stare up at the ceiling. The air is comfortable and still, and the room glows brighter by the minute from the morning sun. What time is it? Seven, seven-thirty?

"I got three other brothers. We all started out as regular baby turtles. The ones I guess you could buy at a pet shop. I can assume how it happened, that the little boy who bought us that day didn't ask his Ma for permission to keep us first, so he just threw us down a water pipe. And how we got in contact with green glowing ooze I can only imagine. Really smart, geeky people doing stupid things, I guess. But our father got covered in that gunk too."

"You have a father? Is he a turtle too?"

"Naw, he's a rat."

"R-really…?" She looks tilts her head up, "What's his name?"

"Splinter. We call him Master Splinter."

"Oh..." she sighs. Was she expecting something else?

"Yeah, that ooze changed us…fast, and Master Splinter raised us and taught us everything; even how to be kick-ass ninjas."

I tell her about my pain-in-the-shell older brother who leads us with a heart of gold. I tell her about my genius brother who made our sewer lair livable by providing us with cable, Internet, hot water and cool, but sometimes dangerous, gadgets. I tell her about my baby brother who's a skateboarding dingbat, but always knows how to make me smile.

I tell her about our many adventures, our allies and foes, our failures and victories. She doesn't ask any questions. She just listens to me, wide-eyed, mouth agape, fully engaged in my little saga. I try not to take too long. I still make sure to highlight my awesome skills every now and again. I'm sure another hour has gone by. When I end all she can say is "That's totally amazing!"

Yeah, I know I am.

We're still lounging. We get to talkin' about other things. I ask her about her favorite shows but she says she doesn't own a TV. She watches Netflix on her computer, so we talk about movies. She loves sci-fi and romance, and I love action and comedy. We both like 'The Fifth Element'. We talk about food. It gets us both excited. We go on and on for a while. She asks me to name my favorite pizza toppings. When I get to extra onions I start to hear her breathe soft and even. I look up and she's fast asleep. I call her name but she doesn't stir. I get up from the tan couch and look at her.

…

I take our mugs and place them in the sink. I head for the door about to take may leave, down the steps and behind the bookcase when remember my bottle of hard cider. I decide to place it in her fridge with a new note attached:

Thanks for the nightcap. Hold on to this for me. –R


	3. Chapter 3

**3 Pizza Preparations**

It's Thursday evening and I finally get the nerve to visit Amber again. I don't wanna seem too eager. And I definitely don't want my brother's gettin' nosy about my outings. And I just couldn't wait another day! I figure I should show up about eight. Her bookstore should be closed by then. I been thinkin' about her a lot. While my family is occupied with their own things, I slip away.

Either my brothers are really good at hiding it or they really don't have the need to meet new people face to face. Mikey schemes and collaborates with weirdoes all time on his XBOX LIVE. He squats comfortably in the groove he's made in the couch, tapping buttons on his controller and mocking his enemies through the headset he's wearing. It's like he got his own little world, fighting endless battles. You'd think he gets enough fighting in real life. Donnie chats to people on his computer, mostly about uber, geeky, boring stuff. If he got a internet girlfriend, he ain't tellin' us. And Leo, I don't what he does, and don't really care. Maybe Mike and Don are satisfied with talkin' to people they'll never meet. I clearly am not.

I've been lost in thought. I don't remember climbing the ladder and going through the manhole. I'm standing at the bottom of the old wooden stairs rubbing my finger across the white button. I'm here now, what am I waiting for? I walk into the bathroom, turn on the light and check my reflection. I never really cared before but, even though I am a turtle-man, I ain't ugly; shocking, exotic maybe, but not ugly. My brown eyes are intense. Huh, I look mean without even trying, can't help that. I gotta strong chin. The baby fat's finally gone from my cheeks, thank God. Take away the green skin and gimme some hair… I guess a nose too…Hell, I'm good ta go. I touch my face and tilt my head back and forth. My skin's smooth and pebbly.

I sigh and turn off the light. What does it matter? She already seen me. I straighten my red bandana, walk across the room and push the button…

Moments later the door responds and opens slightly.

"Hello Amber." I say.

"Hello Raph." She opens the door completely. This is the first time I see her in somethin' other than that scarf and big shirt. Her bright pink top is made of thin material. It clings a little to her breasts but still hides her form as it flows down past her hips. Her jeans are faded and crop at her knees. She's wearing black sandals. She has a thin gold chain around her neck. Her hair is dark brown and shiny and twisted into dozens of, well, twists that hang down below her shoulders. It looks soft like cotton. She steps aside and lets me in.

"Hold on a sec.", she says as she walks around a large bookcase that hides me from the rest of the shop. She speaks softly so someone at the front door. She wishes them goodnight. As she closes and locks the door, a brass bell attached to it rings. She switches off the storefront lights. She comes back with a steaming pizza box. "You're just in time. Care to join me for dinner?" She grins.

"Of course! Lead the way."

She doesn't need to prepare much. Her coffee table is already set, Parmesan cheese, hot pepper flakes, and hot sauce, sitting over a flannel tablecloth. There's also a roll of paper towel. Low music is coming from her ipod and speakers sitting in one of the bookshelves. The curtains are closed, but I can still see sparks of the reddish sunset coming through. She grabs a large pillow, tosses it on the floor and sits down, placing the pizza box on the short table.

"Do ya want me to grab a couple of drinks?" I offer.

"Sure. I'll take a bottled water. You can have whatever."

I walk into the kitchen and wash my hands then open the fridge door. I take out the water and my bottle of cider. The note is no longer there. I also notice three pizza boxes sitting on the shelf inside. I curiously lift open the top pizza box. It has not been eaten. I walk in to the living room and join her on the floor. We open the box, open our bottles and dine.

I ask her, "So, Amber, howya doin'?"

"I'm good, Raph, and you?"

"Can't complain… what's with all the pizza boxes in the fridge?"

"Oh…well…" she places her slice on her napkin and looks down. "I guess I was hoping to see you Monday night, so I bought a pizza, just in case… Then I did the same thing Tuesday and Wednesday night…I'm glad you came today, or else I woulda run outta room." She finally looks at me and shrugs, a little smile on her face. "I knew you said you like sausage, mushroom and ham…I couldn't remember what else."

"Extra onions." I offer. She's embarrassed. I'm flattered. She was thinking of me too. Oh my God, stay cool!

"Yeah. They're all the same so, you can take them home… when ever you wanna go."

I smile. "Yeah. I'll take them…whenever I gotta go." I finish my slice and take another. "My brothers would appreciate'em."

"Did you tell them about me yet?"

"No, no. No. I did not."

"Oh." She finishes her slice and sips her water. I guess the reasons aren't obvious to her.

"I mean, ya already know it'd be hell if the wrong people knew about us. So my brothers wouldn't be too happy with me if they knew I have a new friend… especially Leo. I don't even wanna think about what Master Splinter would say." I roll my eyes as I chug my ale.

"I hope you know you can trust me Raph. I wouldn't tell anyone. But maybe your brothers would appreciate knowing they have another ally." She smiles at me all hopeful. Her smile sways me somehow.

"I do trust you…and I'll think about it. Besides," I take a risk. "I kinda like having you as my own little secret." I smirk and glance at her as I sip from my bottle. She smiles broadly and looks down at her food. I bet she's blushing but her cheeks are so full of rich color already, I can't really tell.

We finish our dinner and she offers to give me a tour of her home. We travel upstairs briefly looking around the two unused floors. Each floor was designed as a separate apartment, three and two bedrooms, both with little kitchenettes. Her uncle never bothered to finish with the idea of renting them out. He would have had to loose the back part of the bookstore to build a separate entrance. A couple pieces of furniture covered with dusty drapes are scattered here and there. We peek through the door to her roof patio. There is no cover from the outside so we don't walk around up there. She muses about having a tall fence put up so she can invite my whole family over for a private cookout. I beg her not to go through the trouble. She does not respond, but just smiles.

We head back down to the store level. I think dark, quiet, empty stores are creepy. Especially bookstores. All those dead writers, just lookin' at me! To make it even creepier Amber lights some candles. She says it's better than turning on the lights; she doesn't have anything big enough to cover the storefront windows. She grabs a book from her counter and calls me over. We sit at either end of an old velvet couch, tucked in between two large bookcases in the middle of the shop. Random patches of the couch's burgundy threads are long-since worn away. Buttons that where once sunken in the ever-loosening cushions are now missing. It smells dusty and lemon pledge-y and the wooden frame creeks whenever we shift in our seats. It looks like something that should have been thrown away years ago. But I guess it's still doin' its job.

She opens the book and thumbs through the pages. She looks over at me, "I'm going to read to you one of my favorite poems. It's called 'The Raven', written by Edgar Allen Poe. You ever heard of it?"

"Naw. I don't read too much. What's it about?"

"Let's see if you can figure it out…" She smiles.

She begins to read and I find myself really trying to focus on the words. I get totally lost after the second line, but the way she's speaking, it's not like reading. I start to hear the rhythm and catch the rhyming. She puts emotion and life into the character. I can see him in the hallway. I can feel his fear. I can sense the shock when he finds noone there but darkness. I don't understand all the words and I don't know who Pallas is but I do catch Amber's tempo going faster and faster. My lips are parted and I nod my head at the end of each line and then as if brought on by the climax of the poem,

"…my soul shall be lifted, never more!" Lightening flashes in the windows and thunder strikes near by. I jump in my seat and the frame creeks loudly. She turns toward me and yelps. We look at each other and fall out laughing.

"Holy Hell!" I pant, "I never knew old poetry could be so…entertainin'. Thanks a lot."

"Sure. Anytime." Her smile is so full. Her eyes are sparkling in the candlelight. Is she really havin' that much fun with me?

Another flash and another rumble appear. The rain pours down hard. It beats the tin awning outside. It's at this time I recall all the stupid chick flicks and sitcoms I ever saw; two young destined lovers share a hearty laugh and then the rain falls. They look at each other with a serious stare and boom! It's their cue to kiss. I never thought I would ever be sitting in the dark with a woman, let alone kissin' one. But here I am. And there she is. She makes me feel normal enough to think it's possible but…

"Uh, Amber?"

"Yes, Raph?"

"How would you… I mean, what if we…meet like this? What if I come visit every Thursday night and we just hang out?"

"Ok. I'd like that. Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It'll save you money, not having to buy pizza every night of the week." I tease. I then notice the clock on the wall and my good feelings sink a little. "Speaking of pizza, I better grab them and go. It's almost time for us to get ready for our patrol tonight."

"You still gonna patrol? In this weather?"

"Crime don't take a rain check, sweetie."

I take the pizzas and head through the fake bookcase. I tell her I'll see her next Thursday. She nods and wishes me a goodnight. I hear the metal door close and lock behind me. I'm already getting grumpy. Zero down, seven more days to go.


	4. Chapter 4

**4 Has Beens and Heroes**

I knew the night I brought home four partially eaten pizzas' my family would start wonderin' about me. I'd told 'em that I found the pies thrown out behind Monticelli's, the cook musta got the order wrong. Nevermind I got them all the way from Brooklyn. If they think I'm bein' nice to them all a sudden, they'll start askin' questions. My secret ain't gonna keep for long.

I see Amber every week like I promise. I keep that promise for the next six weeks. It starts out the same way each time. I climb the ladder, push the white button and she invites me in. Lately she's been reading me shorts stories by a guy named Bradbury. I like him much better than Poe. If she doesn't read I tell her stories about our patrols and past adventures, or how my brothers get on my last nerve. She thinks my everyday life is so exciting. I'm amazed she isn't bored of me already. If neither of us is talking, we just sit in her living room and listen to her ipod. I never heard so much music with no words before, but Amber seems to love it.

Honestly, she's different than what I expect. The only education I have about people is from TV. They're able to solve all their problems. They always survive, and they always find a happy ending. They all look shiny and glossy. The women are pink and perky and the men are tan and untouchable. TV lies. Amber ain't none of those things. She's complicated and curious. She's a dreamer and she's thoughtful. She keeps all her happy memories and hurt feelings in diaries. She doesn't want them to go away. She tells me they're a part of who she is.

It's been a little over two months since I met her and today I find myself rocking back and forth in her big leather recliner. Amber is in the kitchen, and the fragrance of hot coffee and store bought cinnamon buns start to warm the air. The sun set a while ago. Her ipod is softly playing. I look back at the bottom row of journals in the bookcase. I gently thumb across them. I wonder which one is about me. I pull out a small brown loose-leaf and read the cover, "Yoshi the Rat, by B. Grant, 1987."

Yoshi?!

"Uh Amber, what's this book about?" I hold up the old journal. She turns and peers over at me.

"That's' my uncle's. It's a story he wrote about a talking rat from Japan who befriends a bookshop owner… all this time I thought is was some sort of children's book he was working on. Since I met you, I'm not so sure. Do you know any other mutant's? Any other rats besides your Master Splinter?"

"I do know of other mutant's, no rats though… you mind if I borrow this? I'd like to take some time later and read it."

"No, go ahead. I don't think Uncle Bubba would mind." Her oven timer beeps and she takes out the hot pastries. "Come on in, Raph. Everything's ready."

I stash the little brown book in my belt and sit on the stool next to her. Everything is hot and fresh, the club sandwiches are delicious! I compliment her cooking. She says her mom is much better. She tells me about all the Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter dinners she enjoyed over the years. Her family was never big but the food her mother made could feed the whole block. Her mom's potato salad is her favorite dish. She's sad that she'll miss the Thanksgiving this year since her mom is going to California to be with her older sister.

I tell her that Mikey is a pretty good cook. He is getting better all the time. I tell her we've never celebrated Thanksgiving before. As she is about to invite my family over to meet her, for the millionth time, her doorbell rings.

We are silent.

It rings again and she asks me to wait a moment as she runs downstairs. I follow two seconds behind and stop at the bottom of the steps. I listen as she unlocks and opens the front door. It's a man.

"Hey, Beautiful! How are you?" he says.

"I'm fine Charlie. How are you?" she says.

"I'm happy now that I see you. I though you dropped of the face of the planet. You don't return my calls or texts."

"Sorry. I've been really busy… honestly."

"Ok. You don't look busy now. Can I come in? Or do you wanna go out? Grab a bite to eat?"

"Oh, no thank you. I've just finished eating. And you caught me at a bad time…"

"Amber, listen. I'm getting straight to the point. I think you're great. And you're gorgeous as hell. You seemed to have fun the last time you went out with me. I want the chance to do that again…your hands are as soft as I remember."

He's touching her! I'm raging inside even though I really don't got the right to… who the hell this Timberlake thinks he is?

"Charlie, I did have fun but…"

"But what? You know, I ran into Tanya and Darrel and they can't seem to get a hold of you either. Why are you hiding in there all alone… are you alone?"

"What do you think?"

"Hmm, dressed like that, you better be."

Wow, he notices her outfit too.

"Oh my. Charlie, let me get straight to the point. I think you are a charming, handsome and intelligent young man. You are a great guy and I would like it very much if you would be my friend."

"Aah." He cringes. "I've been friend-zoned already?"

She laughs "There is nothing wrong with being friends. It means I value your opinion and I do think it's been too long since the four of us hung out. We can still hang out right?"

"Yeah, but I don't get to kiss you."

They stand there silent for a while. I can't see them and it makes me crazy. One of them better say somethin' soon or a book's gonna come flying at them from outta nowhere!

"Charlie, I appreciate you comin' over to check up on me but I do have to go."

"Yeah, no problem, Amber… you make sure you answer when I call next time?"

"I will." A pause, then, I hear the door close, ring, and lock. I hear her walk back toward the stairs. I jump up a couple steps. I want her to know I'm here, but not seem like such a snoop.

"Hey there." She says, "Coast is clear." She grins and we head back to the kitchen. She sits on her stool and picks at her cold cinnamon bun. I put the dishes in the sink. I stare down into the drain. My mind is going a hundred miles an hour. I wanna know what's up with that guy. But it's none of my damn business. I decide to put on a good face.

"So, that guy seems nice." I turn to her, smiling slightly.

"He is. A little pushy, though."

"Why'd you turn him down? It's clear he really likes you." I'm glad you turned him down! Screw him!

She sighs, "Because, all guys are the same. They're superficial and only wanna play in my panties. And they wanna 'be my man' for a while, 'til they find out something about me they'd rather not deal with and move on."

She sounds a little bitter. "Amber, I don't understand what could be so bad about being with you… I mean, ah, I don't know any other women to compare, hmm, what I mean is… give me any example?" God, help me, I'm drowning!

"Well, let's see. I've been called a dick tease 'cause I didn't put out on the first date, I've been told I was very pretty and smart but that his mom would kill him if he brought home a black girl. I've been told that I don't have an athletic build… in other words I was too fat for him. I'm not fat! I'm just not built like a boney bird… I was even told by one guy that he appreciates my natural hair but prefers straight hair on girls."

"Was he a white guy?" I ask.

"No! He was darker than me!" She laughs. "I know what guys want; it's never what they need. And I was never willing to give anything else…so I gave up." She looks down and picks at her nails. "I'm better off not playing the game. The rules are screwed up. I think even good old Charlie would let me down sooner or later."

I look at her. She slumps on her stool. It looks like her whole body is loosing air. How can someone so…beautiful… think she'll never find the right guy? I want to say something, something that makes her smile, but I got a ten-mile traffic jam in my head.

"Amber, don't worry. There are a lot of great people out there. And a perfect man for you will come by and only see how perfect you are. And… you'll both be happy. Hell, I'll never be as happy as you can be. I'm just a big freak. You're gonna be fine."

"What did you say?" She looks at me suddenly angry and confused.

"I, I said..."

"Did you just call yourself a freak?"

"Well, Amber, yeah I am a freak. I mean, look at me. I ain't exactly gonna be on the cover of GQ. And even though me and brothers may be monsters to them, people are the best company you got. You shouldn't just push 'em away like that."

"Damn it, Raph! Don't you get it?" She snaps back at me. "It's people who did this to you! It's people who threw you away like garbage, and it's people who carelessly exposed you to chemicals that could have killed you! You live in our holes and scavenge through our waste and walk through our shit. You're afraid that we may never accept you. And the horrible truth is you might be right! You see the worst of humanity everyday but… you still come to our rescue! So don't ever call yourself that ever again! You're not a fuckin' freak, Raphael!"

I lower my head as she yells at me. I've been chastised before and lectured to. But never like this. I can't yell back. I can't even speak. Her words are harsh but I feel her passion as well. Why's my heart beating so fast? Why do I feel like crying? She then jumps up from her stool and shoves herself against me. I hear her nails scrape over my shell, trying to get a tight grip. Her soft head of hair is nestled right under my chin. Her rich perfume invades my senses. I return her hug, still in shock and wrap my arms around her. She's so warm.

She whispers, "We people are a mess. We are the monsters… We make a lot of mistakes, Raph. But God is known to change a lot of our mistakes into miracles. And you are a miracle…. And you know what else?" She pulls back a bit and looks me. I meet her gaze but quickly look away. Tears have fallen down her face. She is so beautiful. "You and your brothers and your father are heroes. You're my hero, Raphael. And on behalf of the wretched citizens of New York, I thank you for saving us from ourselves." She kisses my cheek. Her lips linger there. My face feels like a furnace. She then places her head back against my neck and we hold each other a while.

What does this mean? What is she doing to me? My whole body burns where it meets her skin. Why is she ok with being so close to me? I then realize that this is what acceptance feels like. She is a real friend and I can now put my complete trust in her. I breathe in her scent deeply and exhale in relief as I feel the weight of the city fall off my shoulders.


	5. Chapter 5

**5 Risks**

We have a rough night on patrol. We take too long beatin' down the thieves in the jewelry store and have to outrun the cops. They don't see us but they hear us leaving out the back when Mikey stumbles over a fallen chair. We return home much later that we hoped. If I'm sore, I know my teammates are exhausted. Since we were teenagers we've be on these streets doin' the same thing, taking out the trash. Things have been getting better out here so we cut our patrolling down to three nights a week. Sometimes we pair off, but we're usually all go together. Tonight was a tough one. Although crime has been less frequent, the criminals are more aggressive. I go straight to my room and fall to mattress already dozing off. I see the little brown journal on my nightstand. It makes me think of Amber, the way she felt in my arms.

…

I wake up suddenly. It feels like someone was watching me but I'm alone in my room. I check my shell phone and see it's eleven am. I'm sure everyone's still asleep. I relax and stretch out. I cross my arms over my plastron… She fits so perfectly there. I did notice what she was wearing last night. I was too nervous to compliment her but I was sneakin' peeks at her the entire time. Her skin is a warm brown, like hot chocolate. I remember how smooth her arms feel, like polished brass. Her white tank top is clingy, exposing her sculpted neck and narrow shoulders. Her breasts are so full, like soft mounds rising from her frame. Her whole figure is a bunch of sexy, tameless curves. Even her belly curves out, it's firm and dives down, ending into her core. There is nothing flat about her. Her dark blue jeans are skin tight down to her ankles. They look painted on. They hug her thick hips and cup that very round ass. I feel my temperature rise again. Intense pressure deepens within me as I welcome my hand gripping around my hardening member. I sigh harshly as I remember her smell, her words, and her kiss. I want, I need to peal away her clothes and embrace those curves! Just thinking of her, I don't last long and I release myself, strongly and breathlessly. I collapse back onto my pillow. I feel fantastic. And then, immediately I am ashamed. She's my friend. She's human. I'm her friend. And I'm a mutant. These feelings I have will not amount to anything. I also feel sorrow, knowing I may never have this experience with another person. I roll over and try really hard to go back to sleep.

…

A knock on my door, "Who's it?" I gargle. Damn it, who's waking me up?

"It's Leo." He opens my door. Hard light comes in and I'm too groggy to tell him to piss off. I look over at him. I don't speak to my brothers much, and they don't say much to me. They ain't a mystery to me so they don't cross my mind a lot. It's probably time I start bein' chummy with them anyway. I know Amber is safe now and I plan on tellin' them about her today.

"Raph, I can't begin to tell you how angry I am with you. I had hoped you'd work it out by yourself, this, whatever is wrong with you. But it always seems to be too much for you to handle alone." He holds up the brown journal in his hand, 'Yoshi the Rat'.

I look over at my vacant nightstand. I'm so pissed, "Leo! You…"

"Yes, I came in and took your book. I've been watching you for weeks now, always gone on the same day at the same time. I was just waiting for you to either leave it alone or screw up. Well," He tosses the book at me, "We both know which one you chose."

I stare him down, breathing hard. He has no idea what he's talking about. But I'm still starting to get nervous.

"I've already shown the book to Master Splinter. He's called a family meeting in the dojo, so that you can explain yourself… again. It starts now." Leo leaves me, my door still ajar. I swing my legs over my bed and get up. I hold the journal in both of my hands and head toward the dojo.

It figures, the day I decide to come clean about Amber, I now look like the careless son, keeping secrets from his family. Me and my brothers kneel beside each other and bow before our father in respect.

Master Splinter sits before us. He's always so calm. I never seen him outta control of his feelings. Not like me. Even after all these years of me causing trouble he can still look at all of us the same, with fatherly love. I feel even worse now. Why do I always test his limits? I always gotta wait til I'm trapped in a corner to tell the truth. He speaks.

"It has been brought to my attention that our family may be at risk again. It has also been shared with me the fear that if this keeps happening, we may one day find ourselves in situations we can never return from." He looks over toward Leo who nods in agreement. The pit in my stomach swells. Splinter continues. "And yet, out of all the times we have been faced with this risk, it has always ended well for us; April, Casey, young Keno. Even the Shredder has benefitted us in gaining strength, fortitude, and victory." He looks over to me. "May I see your book, Raphael?" I hand him the book. He palms it gently, running his thin fingers over the cover. I gotta tell them everything. It's now or never. "Raphael, my son, could you please…"

"Yes, Sensei, I'll tell you guys everything. I was really angry at Donnie a couple months ago when he beat me in training. Like all three rounds! And instead of congratulating him, cause Dorko never whipped me that good, I ran off in a temper tantrum like a little bitch and got lost in the sewers. Then I went up this weird stepladder, through a manhole that led into someone's basement. I went in, got caught by the owner stealing their beer and ran off. But then I went back. I know I shouldn't have but I felt like I needed to and now we're friends and I trust them completely. I wanted to tell you sooner and I was gonna tell you today! Honestly! But.. I just needed to make sure… it was safe" I trail off. Wow, that felt good. I look up and everyone's staring at me. Leo is shaking his head. Mike and Donnie are stupid-faced. Splinter clears his throat.

"I appreciate your honestly my son, but I was simply going to ask you. Could you please make arrangements so that we may visit the bookstore?"

I'm shocked. How did he know it was a bookstore? "Uh, of course, Sensei. We can go next Thursday night." I cut my eyes at Leo. "Same time I always do."

He nods and… do I see a little smile? Master Splinter excuses himself and heads back to his room with the little brown journal in his hands. The rest of us are left in silence. As soon as Splinter closes the dojo door my two younger brothers bombard me with questions.

"Dude, what the hell?!" Mikey yells. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Astounding. Why is it always you who makes the 'real' friends? You really are impulsive." Don teases.

"Yeah, well I know it was stupid but, I would never mean to put you guys in any danger."

"Are you sure it'll be okay with your new friend if you show up next week with all of us?" Mikey asks.

"I'm positive. Besides, she's been beggin' ta meet you guys for weeks."

"She?" they both exclaim.

"Oh, ho ho…" Mikey giggles. "You've been seeing a girl all this time and keeping her all to yourself?"

"Huh, what? It's not like that!"

"Oh, really?" Mikey teases. "Is that why you 'just needed to go back'? She's hot isn't she?"

"Mike, jeez! We're just friends!"

"So? Friends can be hot. What does she look like? She got long flowing hair? Big blue eyes? Big…anything else?"

"Mikey if you're asking me if she's your dream girl, then no. She's African American."

"Dude, black chicks are hot too. They got sexy attitude. You got a lotta attitude too. You two should be perfect for each other!"

At that I tackle my little brother and pull him into in a chokehold, warning him shut up. I look over to Donnie and challenge him to say something. He just looks at me with a big-ass grin. I push Mikey over and stand up. "Please guys, just don't act this stupid when we go over there."

"We promise we will be on our best behavior so as not to embarrass you in front of your lady friend." Donnie laughs then directs his attention over to Leo, "So, what do you think of all this?"

Leo gets up and walks over to the dojo door shiving it open, "I do agree with you on one thing, Raphael. It was very stupid of you. I don't understand Master Splinter's intentions, but I will always trust his judgment. For now, I'm going to sit back and follow his lead on this."

"Ok Leo, you do that." I snarl at him. He closes the door and disappears for the rest of the day.

What a dick.

…

I lounge in my dark room as the dim light of my shell cell shines on my face. I scroll back and forth through my very small contact list. I've had Amber's number for a while but never bothered to call. I know she doesn't like to talk on the phone. She likes letters. I thought about writing to her but I'm not good with words… and I don't have a return address. She likes talking with me. Since we only see each other once a week we always have somethin' to talk about. I'm starting to want to see her more than that, but I don't know how to ask. I'll finally be seeing her tomorrow and I'll be bringing the rest of my family along. I want to prepare her and tell her tonight. I push the button to dial. I feel like a nervous nerd. Man up!

"Hello?" She answers.

"Hey, it's me, Raph."

"Hi, Raph! This... is a surprise. Everything alright?"

"Yeah, I'm all good. Any you?"

"Pretty well actually. I'm about to close up shop. There's been a lot of customers in and out all day so I'm kinda tired. It's because this famous author's book just came into stock. I don't particularly like blood and gore but it sells very well."

"Didn't know you sold new books. I though they were all old."

"Nope. I do have a lot of vintage and out-of-print books. Many of them are worth pennies, and very few are valuable. I have to sell what's popular too. Even though some people, like myself, enjoy old and fantastic books, the new fluff pays the bills."

"Oh, I gotcha."

"So what's up with you?"

"Uh well, it's about tomorrow night."

"Oh, are you not able to make it?"

"Well, it's not…"

"Listen, if you can't come tomorrow, can you come Friday or Saturday, or any night. You know you can come over anytime. It doesn't just have to be on Thursday."

"Oh.", is all I can say. I wanted to tell her that I'd be over there in thirty minutes or less. I quickly take control of myself. Cool it, you psycho! "That's real nice of you, Amber, but that's not why I'm calling."

"I think I know why you're calling." I could stopped her right there but I want to see where this is going. "I made you uncomfortable with how I acted last time. I shouldn't have yelled at you. And I shouldn't have gotten so emotional. I'm sorry, Raphael. Please don't feel you gotta back off just because I was a little out of order."

I sigh, "Amber, what you said and what you did," and that kiss, "I believe it all and it made me feel… like a real person. I'm very glad you acted the way you did. I really trust you. I'm calling to let you know that tomorrow night I am coming to see you, and I'm bringing my family with me."

A few seconds go by. I hear her breathe over the line. "That's great news! You told them! You told them about me…. " She gasps. "I've got to get ready! Raph, I gotta go! I have some things I need to take care of. I can't wait to see you tomorrow."

"Ok. Me too. See ya."

"Bye."

I end the call and lie in the darkness. Sleep is not going to come easy tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

**6 Meet the Mutants**

"Damn it!" I nick myself again as I try to trim my finger and toenails. I've never spent so much time in the bathroom before. I must have scrubbed the inner creases of my shell three times, my bandana took forever in the dryer and I think Mikey used my toothbrush…again.

It's very rare we meet someone new. And since this someone new happens to be a girl, we all have gone the extra mile to not look so... guy-nasty. Donnie whips out his new elbow and kneepads, and Master Splinter's face fur is groomed. He is wearing his black kimono and a brass walking stick. Leo tries not to appear too eager but I notice his katana blades were recently polished. I see Mikey in the bathroom mirror struggling with something around his neck.

"What the hell is that?" I ask.

"I'm just trying to fix my skinny tie. It's the trendy style nowadays." Mikey says proudly.

"Please take that off you knucklehead!"

"But I thought she'd like it."

I sigh in frustration, "Fine goofball, have a blast." There's no use in hidin' anything. If she's gonna start hangin' out with us, she'll figure out how strange we really are sooner or later.

Once we're all ready, we make our way through the sewers toward the bookstore.

…

As we all huddle in the basement of the shop I suddenly feel queasy. It's like I'm meeting her all over again. My palms are sweaty. Do regular turtles even sweat? I ring the doorbell and wait. Just remember to breathe. Everything is going to be fine. We are the weirdoes, not her. Although, she's the oddball who's hosting dinner for four talking turtles and their rat father. I begin to sigh loudly then try to cover it up wit a cough. I hear Mikey chuckle just as the big metal door opens.

I clear my throat. "Hey Amber. We're here…" I take one look at her and my brain explodes. Her long puff of hair is neatly wrapped up in a bun on top of her head. Her full lips have a touch of red gloss. She's wearing a string of white beads around her neck. Her cream top scoops right above her breasts and shows off her arms nicely. Her black skirt ends in cascading layers below her knees and is held against her waist tightly by a thick red belt. Her black kitten heels tap lightly as she steps back and welcomes everyone in. I'm almost a second too late when she asks me how I am doing.

"You're great! I'm mean, I'm great, and you look fine, wait, I'm fine and you look nice. We're all doing nice." I clear my throat again. Can somebody shoot me now?

She takes my hand and giggles. She then turns to the others. "Hello, my name is Amber Grant and it's wonderful to finally meet you." They all say hello. She shakes each of their hands in turn.

"You must be Michelangelo. I like your tie."

"Yeah, thanks Amber. I like your… you." He fumbles.

"And you are Donatello." He nods and she takes his hand. "It's a pleasure make your acquaintance."

"Likewise.", he remarks shyly.

"Leonardo. " She takes his hand and bows her head slightly. She surprises him and he bows in return. "You are just as your brother described you."

He's even more surprised, " Really, well, I hope it's all true."

"Yes, and it's all good."

She finally stands in front of Master Splinter. I never really gave her much detail about what he looks like. He never looked anything less than a father to me. I know some girls shriek when they see a spider or mouse or rat, so I ain't sure how Amber will react. She is almost a foot taller than his old bones but she bows low, touches the hand that holds his cane and kisses his cheek. His eyes shine. I see this and I suddenly can't breathe.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, sir."

"The pleasure is all mine, my sweet child." They smile at each other.

"Well, let's get this party started." She announces. "It's a nice night so I thought we could go to the patio. It's steps all the way up. I hope you don't mind."

"No, we got it. Lead the way." I say. Donnie, Mikey and Leo follow behind Amber as I hoist Splinter up into my arms. Mikey looks back at me while pointing up at Amber, mouthing hot she is. I shake my head. As we step out onto the patio I'm amazed at how much it's changed. There is a seven-foot fence along the roof's entire parameter and colorful lanterns hang all around. There is soft Astroturf covering the entire area and in the middle of the patio is a large, low square table with pillows for seats. There are candles everywhere and I smell barbeque coming from the grill in the corner. We keep the door open so her music can be heard. My family makes their way to the table as I catch her arm and give her a sharp look.

"When did you do all this, cray-cray?"

She laughs. "I had the fence put up weeks ago. All the other stuff I already had in my mind. I just had to go out and get. What do you think? You think they like it?"

"They love it." I say. Me and my family take a place around the table. Amber brings over the grilled meats and vegetables.

"There's shrimp, chicken, salmon and steak, some mixed peppers. There's also rice and broccoli and fresh fruit in the covered bowls. Drinks are in the cooler right here." She says, as she takes the cushion beside me. Everything looks great. It reminds me of those five-star restaurants I see in movies and on TV. Master Splinter blesses the food and we eat.

"Amber this steak is so good. And the chicken! I love grilled food!", Mikey says while stuffing his mouth.

"Yes, Amber. It's very tender. You must have marinated it for hours." Donnie agrees.

"Thank you. I'm glad you like it."

"Amber, I haven't had salmon in so long. This is such a delight." I've never seen Master Splinter so… giddy. He waves his chopsticks at her and then continues to eat… I love that she thought of chopsticks.

Leo's too damn quiet. Everyone else is being nice and he's just sittin' over there, eatin' like he's just humoring her. Pull the stick out your ass and smile!

Mikey comes up for air from his plate and turns to Amber. "So, Raph tells us you're from Pittsburgh. What's it like?"

"Well, Mikey, I like it. There are a lot of hills and tunnels and bridges. You could fit about a hundred of my downtowns into yours. You can get anywhere you need to in twenty minute or less by car, north, south, east or west. And the food! New York may beat us Pizza. But our salads are king! I do miss their chicken salads.

"What's in a chicken salad?" Mikey asks.

"Well, grilled chicken, of course, then mixed greens, peppers, a boiled egg, French fries and French dressing. That's how I like mine."

"Wait, wait… you guys put French fries in your salads?"

"Uh, Yeah!"

"That sounds totally delicious!" Mikey says.

"And you came here to run your uncle's bookstore?" Donnie asks.

"Yeah, I'm liking it so far. I still miss home though." She says.

"And where is your uncle now, Amber?" Master Splinter asks.

"Oh, he died this past February. I inherited the shop, and this whole building from him."

"What a great uncle! He gave you a house and a business to pay for it, huh?" Mikey chimes in.

"Yeah, he was really great."

As they speak I notice Splinter's whiskers twitch. He nods his head and then finishes his plate. Amber tells us to eat how ever much we want but to leave room for chocolate cake, coffee and tea.

Dinner went by smoothly. Me and Donnie help Amber take the rest of the food and used plates down stairs. She wraps up the leftovers and makes to-go bags for us to take home later. We return to the patio with slices of cake and trays of hot drinks. Leo and Splinter are chatting quietly and Mikey is lying down, groanin' about how full he is. He sits right up and takes some cake anyway. What a pig!

We all settle back around the table. It's nice to just sit and rest under the stars. I ain't gotta worry about fightin' or hidin'. I can't believe she did this all for us. I wish I could say she did this just for me, but I know I'm takin' it too far. Master Splinter puts down his cup of tea and looks over at Amber.

" My dear, let me be the first to thank you for such a lovely evening. It never ceases to amaze me the gems of people my son stumbles upon."

"Oh. It's no problem really, sir. I'm actually a little overwhelmed. I'm very humbled that you all came to meet me. I want you to know that you can trust me completely. I will never betray you. I promised Raphael. And I promise you."

He nods, "And I believe you… I assume you've heard our story of origin from Raphael already?"

"Yes sir. It's amazing! Your adventures, almost unbelievable! Your journey to feudal Japan is epic! And time travel is right up my alley!"

"And to think, it all started in a New York sewer…" Mikey muses.

"Well then," Splinter continues, "Allow me to tell another story that is almost just as old, and just so happens to be the very story captured in this." He pulls the small, brown journal from under his kimono, 'Yoshi the Rat'.


	7. Chapter 7

**7 Yoshi the Rat**

"Amber, your uncle, Brian, was my first friend since loosing my family, my master, and being abandoned here in America. He was the much-needed aid to our very survival.

I was young in age and new to my recently awakened consciousness from being exposed to the ooze. I was also a new father to four baby turtles also changed by the glowing chemical. Food was scarce and scavenging, dangerous. I would wander all day in the endless maze of the sewers and return to the small hovel we called home with only a handful of scraps. Although I was no longer fully rat and not fully human, I was amazed at my new intellect and at the innocent, little lives fated to me. I did not know why this happened but I was determined to protect them, raise them as my own, and teach them everything I learned from my master.

It happened one night as I prepared to leave our hovel and search for food. I had finished erecting a larger, sturdier 'play pen' for my toddler turtles. They were growing rapidly and more curious. It would soon be too difficult to be away from them for long periods of time. I needed to find more food and more things suitable for children their age to be entertained with. That evening as I traveled from level to level, I found myself following the low sound of music. It echoed off the pipes. The closer I came, the more I realized it was the music from my home land; the quick trill of strings, the low beat of a drum, the sweet whine of a Japanese songstress. As if in a daze I was standing beside an old rusted ladder and looking up at a manhole cover. It was then I smelled fresh fruit coming from above. I climbed up and peeked in carefully.

It was a basement set up as a storage room. In the corner there were crates of apples, potatoes, celery and canned soup. I looked to my left and I saw a small washroom, I looked to my right and saw light coming from a door I could not see. The Japanese song was coming from that direction, scratching through a record player. I did not see anyone in the room nor did I see a figure's shadow standing in the door. I sensed the faint smell of alcohol but ignored it. I quickly climbed through, keeping the sewer lid propped up with my wooden walking stick. I ran to the washroom and filled my plastic jugs with clean water. I then dashed to the crates and grabbed all the fresh produce and canned goods I could, shoving them into my backpack. I turned to leave when I noticed the record had ended. I then heard someone in the far corner behind a large sack of potatoes clear his throat.

"You are a huge rat." The man said flatly. I remember wearing a large black hoodie that covered most of my body, but it could not hide my protruding snout, or my long rodent tail. The man tried to stand up but the stumbled back down where he sat. My terror waned a little once I realized he was very drunk. I tried to take advantage of this. At the time my English was very bad so I tried my best to communicate while slowly stepping toward the lid.

"Please, sorry. I, for babies, need food."

"You speak Japanese?" he said in Japanese.

I was silent. He spoke again.

"You speak Japanese, big rat? I speak, but very little. I go to Japan last year. I buy calligraphy books to sell in my store."

"Ye, yes. I speak Japanese. Please, do not be alarmed. I am sorry for coming into your store. I need food for my children. Please let me leave and I will never come back."

"You have children? Down the sewer?"

"I must go, please forgive me." I slowly headed into the manhole. I wanted to take my walking stick but was afraid.

"I can teach you English, big rat. It can help your babies, yes?"…I was amazed and a little amused as he slurred the words. "You can stay a while. It is fine. My name is Brian, but friends I have call me Bubba. What is your name, rat?

"Hamato, Splinter." I told him. It could do no harm. He would only remember me as a strange dream anyway. I flew down the sewer hole and ran around the nearest corner. I stopped to catch my breath. I heard the man call out to me, yelling down from above the rusty ladder. I hoped he wouldn't fall in his inebriated condition. "Hey, Hamato! You forgot your cane… Hamato!... Yes, I see you later! I have food here for your babies ok? Come back soon! Thank you!" With that he slid the lid shut. I hurried home.

My children and I went through the food I had taken from Brian in a little more than two weeks. It was a relief to be able to stay and prepare healthy meals for them, to play with them and sleep through the night with them. I knew, however, I would have to go and scavenge again soon. My little turtles were walking now and speaking simple sentences. I needed to somehow provide more for them than old flashlights, broken crayons and torn blankets. I would not steal from Brian again, but my curiosity of him made me wander back.

When I returned I peeked my head around the corner and saw that the rusty ladder had been discarded and a brand new metal one had taken its place. There was a lamplight shining down on new black and white tiled flooring. On that floor was a red wagon. I took great care to make sure I was alone this time. I crept toward the wagon and inspected all its contents: Cans full of soup, vegetables and fruit, a can opener, three soft blankets, soap, six bottles of water, baby wipes, toothpaste, three toothbrushes, band-aids, rubbing alcohol, plastic bowls and spoons, batteries, three large flashlights, a pot, a wooden spoon, a switchblade, matches, candles, two teddy bears, two toy trucks, a hammer, some nails, three children's story books, a coloring book, crayons, and a Japanese-to-English dictionary. And my cane with a note attached. It read in Japanese:

I hope you are real.

I wondered how long this peace offering had been sitting down here. He must have checked for its disappearance everyday. I did not want to give him any hope of our existence. But, his wanting to help me touched me. I took the wagon and went home.

I returned two weeks later. I took along the empty red wagon. At the bottom of the steps was another red wagon. There was another note attached:

Hello again, friend. I am glad to help you. Please tell me what you need and I will get it. –Bubba

I looked in the wagon. There was more food and water, also a cassette player and a stack of tapes. I took the new wagon. I left the old wagon and attached my own note:

If you are willing to help my children and me, I take it thankfully.

I wrote a list of provisions needed and left.

This went on for the next two moths. I'd run out of supplies, go the bottom of his manhole cover, take his gifts and leave. As my children enjoyed their new toys and music, I fervently studied English using the dictionary and the children's books Brian gave me. I tried my best on my own, but I needed a tutor for application.

One night after I put my turtles to sleep I ventured out with my empty wagon to pick up more supplies. I turned the corner and saw Brian fixing up the other wagon. As I stepped back my wagon creaked. He looked toward me but couldn't see me clearly. I chided myself, becoming too comfortable with this risky arrangement. He called out.

"Hello…? Konnichiwa? Is that you, Hamato?"

"Hello Brian. It is I."

"Told you to call me Bubba. Friends call me Bubba…. I'm almost done with the wagon if you want to check it out." He climbed back up the ladder. I didn't move. He came back down with another bag full of various things. He looked over toward me and smiled wide. I decided to walk over.

I walked into the light, dragging my wagon behind me. I stood a few feet away from him, removed my hood and looked up at him. His smile did not waver. He was a tall thin man with dark skin and hair that sat in all direction on top of his head. He wore blue jeans, work boots and a buttoned up shirt with blue and shapes all over it. He gave me his hand in greeting. I reluctantly shook it.

"There now, nice to meet you." He looked me over and gave a knowing nod. "People think they're so damn smart. Just throwing their experiments down the drain… You used to be human or were you always a rat?"

I was slow but I did catch his meaning. He spoke both English and Japanese words. Neither of us was proficient in each other's tongue. "I was a normal pet rat. But fate led me to my current being, me and my children."

"Oh, well I know a couple cans of food don't make it right but I'm glad to help."

"You have done more than enough, Brian… Bubba." He smiled at me. My whiskers twitched. I don't believe I've ever smiled before. "I cannot offer much but I would like to do something to thank you."

"You don't give something just to get something back, Hamato. It's not the way the world should work."

"I can teach you Japanese and ninjitsu. It is what I learned from my master, my father, Hamato Yoshi."

"You know karate?"

"Hei." I said.

"Then I'll teach you English and help you with your children. Deal?"

"Yes. Deal."

Over the next year Bubba and I grew to be good friends. I learned English and kept my children fed and happy. Bubba learned basic martial arts and meditation techniques. I told him I was starting to teach my sons the art of traditional fighting. He took a two-week trip back to Japan and tested out his new language skills. He came back with stories of how he haggled book dealers. He also provided my children with their first set of practice weapons and a beautiful ornate trunk. In that trunk were a pair of thick, bamboo nunchaku, a traditional monk's bo, a pair of leather bound sais, and a set of Kirisowa katana, sheathed in black silk. These would be the weapons of great ninja masters someday.

I was speechless. Bubba was a true friend and I trusted him. He had filled the void of sorrow I was swallowed in for so long. I asked him to help me carry the trunk home so he can meet my children.

When we reached my home we set the trunk in the corner. Bubba looks around and whistles. "Wow, Splinter! You've done wonders! It looks a lot like a little cottage and less like the lowly sewer den you've described all this time.

"Thank you, but I've had some help." I said.

We walked over to the now three-foot-tall playpen. "My sons, I would like you to meet someone." I said.

Donatello was building with blocks. Leonardo was reading a book. Michelangelo was dancing and singing to music and Raphael…

"Where is Raphael!" I hollered.

Two of the turtles shook their heads but it was Leonardo who looked up from his book. "He's out playing 'Adventure' again. I told him to obey but he never listens to me, Master Splinter."

"Did he say where he was going?" I demand.

"He said he was going to the water falls, the place you said for us to never go."

"Do not go anywhere! I will return soon." I had such fear. But Bubba caught my shoulder.

"It's ok. I'm coming with you."

We ran out the den and plunged deeper into the sewer. It was not long until we heard the sound of rushing water. And then I saw Raphael testing his swinging skills on a rusty railing.

"Raphael!" I called out. He looked down toward us and was startled. One of his hands slipped and he fell over the edge towards the black, churning water. I watched in horror as my little boy flailed. I didn't notice Bubba has stepped back. But I did see him sprint and jump over the edge where we stood. He lunged himself into Raphael and crash landed onto a protruding ledge twenty feet down. I hurried over to them, carefully dodging the torrents of water smashing through the grates. I found my son huddled in my friend's arms, crying but unharmed.

"Brian." I said. My friend however was in pain, his left shin broken. I held onto Raphael with one hand and allowed Bubba to lean on my other.

We made it back to our den and I laid Brian down on the tatami mat in the living area. With all of the supplies he had given us, I had every thing I needed to secure his bone and brace his leg. He stayed down there with us for a week, he ate with us, played with and read to my children, helping them with their katas, and watched over them as they slept. I was so full of joy in my heart but also fear wracked my mind. I owed Brian my son's life, but I knew this would not be the last time my turtles' curiosity would allow them to wander again. It was not what I wanted but there was a greater need to consider.

Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo and I removed the sides off the red wagon, placed the folded up tatami mat on top and allowed Brian to sit down as we slowly rolled him back to his home. This was the first time the turtles were so far from the den and I stressed them to be careful and stay together, especially Raphael. As we approached the black and white tile, I advised my children to stay with the altered wagon as I help Brian to stand up on his still healing leg.

I looked at him and he at me for a long moment. He nodded.

"I think I'll hang onto this." He leaned down carefully and shouldered the folded tatami mat. We took our time climbing the metal ladder. He finally got through the manhole and sighed in relief. I stood there, my hands held the top rung. He looked over and smiled and me. I tried to smile but I either lacked the ability or I was too sad to form it.

"You've really changed my life Hamato Splinter. You are a fantastic Sensei and a wonderful father. Your master Yoshi would be so proud."

"It is I who should be thanking you, to show such kindness to us… to me. I will never forget you Bubba.

"You think I'll ever see you again?"

"Somehow, some way, there is always a chance we will cross paths again." I smiled. I did smile.

I helped him close the lid and I walked the rest of my family home.

…

We sit around the table silent. I still feel the story swirling in the air around us. Mikey is staring into space. Donnie is shaking his head in amazement. Amber is lightly dabbing tears from her eyes with a napkin. I think Splinter has a tear as well. And Leo is sittin' there all stale -faced. I can't stand him!

"Wow…" Amber whispers, "What a beautiful story. I never knew this side of him. I knew he was kind and loved to travel, but I never knew he was so brave."

Splinter nods, "Brian gave much of himself, but the larger miracle is that he did so freely. And to know you, Amber, as a part of his family adds to that blessing. I hope that we can continue thanking him through you."

"Then please, all I ask is that I can call you, Uncle Splinter?"

"I would be honored." He smiles.

"Whoa…" Mikey finally says. "Then, Bubba's like our Uncle Bubba too, huh Sensei?"

"Yes, I suppose so."

"And we spent an entire week with him when we were four years old… I'm surprised I don't remember that?", Donnie says.

"Hmm…well you were preoccupied with building blocks at that age. Brian could have had three heads and you would not have paid him much attention." Splinter says.

We all laugh, even Amber. Wait, Leo ain't laughin'.

"So Leo, whatcha think of Master Splinter's story? Kinda risky what he did huh?" I ask.

He looks up at me. A small grin on his face, 'Like father, like son, I suppose."

I smile back and nod.

It starts to get chilly and we decide to head down to the living room. Everyone finds a comfortable place to sit. We talk and tell stories and Splinter snores loudly as he nods off in the recliner. We all laugh. It's almost midnight. Before we get up to leave Amber has another surprise for us.

"Guys as you know I own and run a bookstore."

"Wow, no kidding..." Mikey teases.

She giggles, "Yes. And I have some gifts for you on behalf of Bubba's Bookstore." She hands out bright blue bags to everyone. "Please go head, look inside. I bet you can't guess what they are."

I look in mine: A large photo book of vintage motorcycles… This is sweet!

"Omigosh! The Halo Easter Egg guidebook? Wicked! Thanks Amber!"

"Donnie, I hope you can use those books. There is a lot of complex computer jargon and Java something. I think one book tells you how to program your computer from scratch?" Amber says.

"Yes! Amber these are astounding! All the latest editions too!"

"Uncle Splinter, I've given you some original Japanese haikus. They were printed in 1857. And you can have Uncle Bubba's journal. It's about you, so it's only right."

"Thank you. Thank you Amber… it is like meeting him all over again." He holds the book close to himself.

Leonardo pulls out a large yellow scroll tied with a blue ribbon. Amber walks over. "This scroll is from one of Uncle Bubba's many trips to Japan. It's a fighting technique manual from the Edo era. It's all pictures. The figures use a sword so I though you might enjoy it. Maybe learn something new… or old, how ever you want to see it." He on unrolls the ancient parchment carefully across his lap. The ink is still crisp and black.

"Thank you. I thank you very much, Amber." He smiles.

I look around and everyone's face is chessin'. I can't help but give her all the credit. And Master Splinter is right. I did find a gem. And I want to make her mine.


	8. Chapter 8

**8 Bonds**

I wake up suddenly to hearing Amber scream.

"Mikey, I 'm scared!" Amber shouts.

"It's gonna be ok, Amber. Just stay close to me." He says.

They silently creep through rusted pipes and steaming grates. She sees a shadow move in the distance and gasps.

"Just a little father… the map says we're almost there."

"Mikey, I don't think I can do this."

Then out of nowhere, they're pursuers drop on them!

"Run Amber! Run!" I'll cover you!"

She screams as she heads out of the dark tunnel and toward the city dump. Mikey shoots one ambusher in the head and follows after the other chasing Amber.

"Keep going Amber! I got you covered!"

"Ahh! Mikey I don't wanna die!" She wails as she starts to climb a large heap of garbage. She dodges the laser beams blazing from her enemy's gun. She's then hit in the leg and falls over.

"Amber!" Mikey catches up to the shooter, takes a knife and stabs it in his back. He sprays the enemy with bullets until they stop moving. He gets to the bottom of the trash heap. "Amber get up! There's not much time left!"

"Ok…I'm up." She continues her ascent and finally makes it to the top. She reaches up and takes the red flag in her hands.

"Team Hamato Wins!", the game announces. Amber sighs loudly and rips the headset off. Mikey is doing his goofy victory dance and I'm shaking my head.

"Oh, Lord! That was intense! Mikey, I don't think Halo is the game for me."

"Awe but Amber we make a great team! We just beat 'Team Devil Balls in 'capture the flag', two on two! They are really hard opponents. They're from China!"

"Amber, how did he get you to play this craziness?"

"Well, you fell asleep half way through the movie and I was getting bored of it too, so I went to go visit Donnie in his lab… You know you're brother is flippin' brilliant, right? He hosts 11 websites and updates them monthly. He's an online tutor for some kid in London who's studying Astrophysics and he is 58.9% complete with a computer 3d model of the 'Mutant Turtle Genome'. And look at this." She shows me a black plastic dog tag hanging from her neck. It has a bunch of zeros and ones stamped into it. "It's my name… in binary code! He made it for me."

I yawn. "That's facinatin'." I don't understand half of what she just said.

"After that I had tea with Uncle Splinter. He read me some of those Japanese haikus. It's beautiful the way he speaks. He offered to teach me Japanese too. I don't know it I have the patience to learn a second language… Then I looked for Leo but Mikey said that he was meditating in the dojo. So Mikey offered to teach me how to play his video game. And now, you're awake."

I get up from the couch and stretch. "Sounds like a busy afternoon. I'll be right back and then maybe I could show you the bike I been workin' on."

"Sure! Sounds great." She says.

I stroll to the bathroom to drain the turtle. I'm amazed. She's makin' her rounds to get to know my family. She's trying to bond with them, see what they're all about. Hmm. Donnie's smart, Mikey's fun and Leo's, well, the strong silent type. I guess spending time with us one on one; she would start liking different things about each of us. I wonder what she likes about me. I ain't a Goof troop and I don't know what a genome is. And I sure as hell ain't no teacher's pet. If she had a choice, who would she start getting' closer to? I mean, I met her first, but what if one of my other brothers starts to… and I did say we were just friends but… I gotta stand out somehow. I'm not just a short-tempered badass troublemaker am I? As I wash my hands and head back to the living area the warning chimes sound… we are being visited.

…

"April! Oh my God! April It's you!" Mikey jumps up and runs over to our redheaded friend. She drops her bags and he scoops her up, spinning her around.

"Oh, Mikey it's good to see you! " April says.

Donnie runs out of the lab and Leo exits the dojo. Master Splinter comes out of his room and they all greet April in turn. She walks over to me and Amber. She hugs me tight. It's been too long. I've really missed her.

"So, Raphael, this must be Amber Grant. Hello, I havent' heard much about you, but what I did were all good things. I'm April…"

"O'neal. Channel 6 news reporter? I've heard about you somewhere before." She says.

"Oh? Really? I can't imagine how. I haven't reported the news in over 8 years."

"I have an idea where. But I'll have to look through my uncle's letters to be sure."

"Oh yes, Bubba's Bookstore. I've been in there once or twice. I remember he was a very nice man."

"Thank you."

April nods at her then goes over to her big bags. "Ok guys! Who wants some goodies?"

We help her unload the bags. It seems like every time April can come in and visit us, it's Christmas Morning. She and Casey live in Boston now. They are living their happily married lives in the house Casey's father left him and they relocated April's father's antique store there as well. We don't see her as much but she texts us a lot. This time she brought Mikey a new game for his console and a stack of comic books, Donnie, a box of raw computer parts and a new mouse. She also hands him an envelope full of cash. He has his salary mailed to her; she cashes it and gives it to him every few months. To Splinter, she gives a new green kimono and fresh tealeaves. To Leo she gives a two-pound bag of saltwater taffy… that's all he ever asks for. And she's finally able to find me the starter component for my motorcycle. April walks over to Amber.

"I knew I might meet you here so I want you to have this." April places a small golden coin into Amber's hand. "It's from that funky trip we took to feudal Japan. It has its current Daimyo's insignia minted on it. I found it in my pocket when we returned… It's funny, I didn't think we could take anything back with us."

Amber's eyes are wide as she flips the coin in her hand. She shakes her head, "Why would you give this to me?"

"Because, You are part of the family now. My guys trust you. They've convinced me to trust you too. And I wanted to show that I do." She closes the coin over Amber's hand with her own.

"Thank you April." She smiles.

"Ok. I am here. I am staying the night. Casey's picking me up tomorrow night. I am thirsty. Where's the beer?" We all laugh and head into the kitchen. Splinter boils some water for tea and I grab a few Angry Orchards out the fridge. April says she loves the stuff and thought it would be too fruity for my taste. My face gets hot. We drink and laugh and eat cold pizza. April then directs her attention to Amber.

"So dear, how on earth did you meet my hotheaded little brother? Did he save you from a mugging? A burning building?"

"I caught him in my basement stealing beer."

"Oh." April laughs, "I guess that's better than the violent introduction I had with him. Raphie here's saved me more than once from some really bad people."

"Oh, did you Raphie?" Amber teases.

I roll my eyes. I've never liked that nickname. She turns to April. "I'd like to hear the story sometime."

"Why don't cha tell her now, April? It's training time and me and my bros gotta hit the dojo. We'll be in there for a while." I say.

Mikey chimes in. "Yeah. Then you two ladies should come by later and watch me kick Raph's butt when we spar!"

"You wish, screw loose!" I chase after him out of the kitchen and into the dojo.

…

This feels good. And I'm just getting warmed up. I didn't plan on tossing him that far, but I did. I walk toward and stand over Donnie looking at his face kissin' the floor. I royally whooped his ass! "Not so lucky now, eh little bro?" I gloat.

"Maybe not," he pants. "But you have to admit, it's taking you longer and longer to fight me down."

I shrug, "Maybe I like playin' with my food."

"Whatever." He rolls onto is shell and I offer him a hand up. Just then April slides open the dojo door and comes inside, Amber follows her. They sit along the wall to watch us train. Mikey jumps up and takes his place in the fighter's circle.

"Yeah! Now that we got an audience, the battle can begin! Alright, Raphie, just you and me! You ready for all this?" He swings his nunchaku wildly.

"What did you just call me?" I narrow my eyes.

"Uh.. ya you heard me, r-Raphie-boy. I'm gonna turn you into soup. And serve you with a croissant to Amber! …yup…" He knows he's in for it now.

"Oh, really?" I ask, feeling a devilish smile grow on my face. I like it when Mikey gets ballsy. "You right Mike." I erect my sais, "This is gonna be a battle."

As soon as the bout begins I have him running all over the place. I finally catch him by his orange bandana and whip it out of place, blinding him. He stops. Instead of fixing his sight he decides to listen for me. The room is completely quiet. I like his nerve, but I want to end this. I run up behind him and he turns toward the sound of my stomping feet. I somersault over him and attempt to land a kick to his chest. He blocks it with his forearm and knees me in the stomach, but I grab him by the leg, sweep his other foot and he falls back on his shell. I hold his foot in the air against me and begin to tickle him.

"What's my name?" I demand.

"Raph! It's Raphael! Now let me go!" He begs.

"And what is your name?" I ask.

"Stop! Please!", he squirms but I ain't lettin' go.

"What. Is. Your. Name?"

"Michelle! I'm Pretty Michelle!" I let him go.

"Game over, Michelle." I mock.

The girls giggle and awe as Mikey gets up. He goes over to sit next to April. She pats him on the cheek.

"Welp, looks like it's just you and me, Fearless." I call over to Leo. "Let's make this three for three and make it quick. I'm missin' my favorite TV show."

Leo stands up and looks over at me. Why does he seem angry all of a sudden? Leave it up to him to crap on my good time. He shakes is head and walks over to Amber. He leans down and whispers in her ear. She looks up at him and nods her head. He then joins me in the fighter's circle.

"What was that all about?"

"I asked her permission."

"Permission for what?"

He smirks and he takes a fighting stance. "To kick your ass."

My eyes get wide and I take up my sais. "Alright, now we're talkin'. C'mon! I'm so ready for this!"

We circle each other for quite a while. I know he's reading me. And he knows I'm gonna attack first. And of course I do! This ain't a dance party!

I lunge at him full force and we begin, I strike, he dodges, he strikes and I dodge. I like sparring with Leo the most. At least he gives me a challenge. We push into each other. He might have better form but I'm much bulkier than he is so I force him back. We are both tense and breathing hard in each other's face.

"Are you having fun yet?" He asks. I'm surprised. He's never one to egg me on.

"Where you been? I've been havin' a ball this whole time." I push him back once more.

He takes advantage of my footing and trips me off balance. He spins and elbows me in the stomach. I'm about to fall back but he grabs me by my belt, pulls me forward then slams me back again with his fist to my face.

I cut my eyes quickly over at Amber. She's covered her mouth with her hands and looking up at Leo. I don't do well with embarrassment and I get pissed really fast.

I stand and ready myself. Leo is smiling at me. He calls to me with his katana and sucks his teeth at me like I'm a dog. Yeah, it's on now.

I crash into him and he uses my speed to spin me around and send me flying toward the edge of the circle.

"Was I lucky Raphie, or did I just own you?"

I recover quickly and stab toward him with my sais. He catches them with his katana and spins them away. We kick, slice, dodge, fall, spin, slam and punch into twenty minutes of sparring. He's got me so heated. Mocking me at every turn. And he won't stop fuckin' smilin'! I'm gonna end this! Not him!

We are standing at opposite ends of the circle. I can hear him breathing hard from here. I know he can hear me. I call over to him. "What you waitin' on?"

"I'm waiting on you, Susan." He says.

I dash over and in three moves I have him on his knees. He lifts the only katana he has left and I kick it by the hilt, plunging it into the wall. He can't pull it out. He rises quickly and instead of coming at me he rolls over to Amber, picks her up and carries her over to the other side of the dojo. He's holding her in front of him firmly. He ties her hands together with a leather rope. I'm all the way confused.

"What are you doin'?"

"You've had your fun, Raph. Now it's time to remind you what is at stake. Training is preparation, not review. It's about becoming more advanced, and not growing stagnant because of past victories." He takes out an unsharpened wooden blade and places it over her neck.

"What the hell Leo, let her go."

"You know I'm not going to hurt her. She's helping me put things into perspective for you, and you don't like that." He presses the blade into her skin. If it were sharpened, her blood would be staining her shirt right now. "Raph, I am the enemy and I have a hostage. I want what I want and I'm not going to give it up. If I can't have it, no one can." He touches his cheek to hers. She looks over at me. She is not as calm as I would like. "I'm going to fight you for her. If you defeat me, she's yours. If I defeat you, I kill you and do whatever I want with her." He swings her behind him and forces her to the ground. He's making his actions look rougher than they really are but it still puts me on edge.

"I don't want to do this. Let her go!"

"No.", he says flatly. "Get past me, then you let her go."

I stare at him. I know what he's doing, trying to make me loose my cool. I notice that Donnie, Mikey and April have been watching us the whole time. I can't believe he was touching her like that. That alone makes me wanna separate him from his shell. I nod.

And then we charge toward each other at top speed.

He's very fast but I keep up with him. Every time he knocks me down, I knock him down. Every time I get a good punch in, he returns it. I think I finally have him and put him in a headlock. He hoists me up on his shell and throws me over. I recover but not quickly enough as he grabs my red tails, pulls me back hard and lands a harsh palm to my face. He begins to pummel me, not missing a beat. His final blow is a kick to my plastron and I double over. My head smacks the floor and I gasp for breath. I look up and he is now standing over Amber. He speaks something to her again and she nods. She's looking over at me with tears in her eyes. He calls out. "Is that all you've got? Nothing left to save this woman that I've stolen from?" He bends down and picks up the end of the leather rope.

"This is kind of fun being the bad guy. I see why you like it so much." He tugs on the leather rope, yanking Amber forward from her wrists. He yanks once more and she falls over. I stare at him with rage. He draws an imaginary line between us with his foot, challenging me. He's trying to crush my ego and it's working. "This is your last chance, Raphael. Remember that I am the threat. I don't care about you or her. I am desperate and I am fighting for my life and mine alone. I will take what I want from her and then discard her. And as for you, I'll sell your body to science for a small fortune."

This is no longer fun. Seeing Leo standing there and speaking those words rips a hole of fear inside me. This is now very serious to me. I see now what he is actually doing. He is re-teaching me why we train and why we fight. I wonder when it started becoming a game to me. I used to take great pride in my and my brother's skills. Now, I brag about my head count and bully my teammates. Where did I go wrong? I am ashamed. I stand and relax my shoulders. I close my eyes and calm myself. I recall the soothing mantra master Splinter taught me. I allow it to repeat over and over in my mind. I remind myself that this is not a competition. I am not in a tournament and I'm not fighting for a trophy. I am a ninja and I fight so that others have peace.

I look to Amber. I'll have to apologize to her later. I meet my brother's gaze and nod. We again take our places in the circle. I bow and he bows. He attacks first. We are both very tired but we match blow for blow for another five minutes. He is taking me to my limit and for the first time I am glad about it. Sweat is flying with each twist and turn. I'm so exhausted but I can't give up. If I do, Amber will be the victim. My focus is strong and I can see his next move coming. I stop his one-two punch, ground my legs firm and slam solidly into his chest and end with an upper cut his chin. He flies back and lands outside the circle.

I breathe deeply. He looks up at me, catching his own breath. I palm my fists together and bow low to him. I turn to Amber and bow to her as well. I run over to her and fall to my knees. I remove the leather rope from around her wrists. My hands fall to my sides and my eyes start to cross. I fall forward. I feel Amber put her arms around me and then everything goes black.

…

I awake. I'm staring up at the pipelined ceiling of my bedroom. I try to get up but my body feels like a subway train just hit me. I painfully turn my head. I see Amber crouched in my chair, asleep. The lamplight on my nightstand hits her softly. I try to lift my arm to touch her but I suck my teeth in pain. I wake her.

"Raphael. You ok?" She walks over to me and sits on the side of my bed. I become very aware of her and I'm now fully awake. She looks down at me. She looks worried. I crack a little smile. Even that hurts. She asks me if i need something to drink. I tell her I'm fine.

'What happened today got me thinking…" She says, "The patrols you go on... can they really get that dangerous?"

"Sometimes..."

"And these scars and this in your shell... you got these while on patrol?" I nod as I watch her fingers trace the missing part of my plastron. Even in my bruised condition, I'm so turned on right now.

"I've never mentioned it before but I lose sleep sometimes over you and your brothers when you're out there. I worry about you falling off buildings and getting hit by speeding cars. And what if the person your battling pulls out a gun..."

She places her hand on my shoulder. "You and your brothers are amazing fighters. What I saw in the dojo was… fierceness personified! You guys looked unstoppable. But you're still only human… I mean…" I smile and rest my hand on hers. She continues, "I'm asking, if its ok with you, if you wouldn't mind calling our texting me when u get home from your outings? I don't care how early or late it is. I'd just like a little message saying you're ok."

I wanted to say that I would text her and call her every time I was away from her and that I would come straight home to her. "That's not a problem. I'll text you."

"Good. Thanks"

I change the subject real quick. "What did Leo whisper to you before and during our fight?" I ask.

"He asked me to help him teach you a lesson and to trust that he would not hurt me...then he told me that you had to learn the hard way and asked me if he could be a little rough to prove his point."

I nodded. "Well, it did work. I'm sorry it took me so long. As you can see I can be a real stubborn ass sometimes."

"I really don't see a problem with that. It's probably the reason why I even know you." She smirks.

I want to say something more but I yawn and that hurts too. " I think I'm gonna rest some more and then I'll take you home."

"That's fine." She gets up. I think she is leaving. Instead she takes the blanket from where she was sleeping in my chair and lies down placing her head at the foot of my bed… We are alone in my room and she is in my bed. My mind is too tired to take that train and I quickly fall asleep. The last thing I remember is promising myself, that the next time Amber is tied up, Ima be the one holdin' the rope and it will be nothing but fun.


	9. Chapter 9

**9 All Out**

She is starting to feel more and more like family. And that is really bothering me. Whenever she wanted picked up and walked through the sewers to visit our den, she would only call me. I miss one text from her while taking a nap and the next thing I see is her walking through my front door with Mikey. Actually, she's willing to call any one of us now to walk with her back and forth from the den to the bookstore. And we always say yes. I wonder what they talk about along the way. I wonder if they help her up and over the tough parts of the sewer like I do. I wonder if they hold her hand and if that means something to them like it does to me. It's crossed my mind more than once that me and my brothers may never find someone special and, instead, spend our lives alone. But now that we know that someone like Amber is possible, maybe one day there will be someone for all of us. I notice Amber smiling and laughing and spending more time with them and less with me; and I'm a little confused. It used to be just me and her, and now… I wonder how she sees me. One mutant turtle in her life is crazy enough. Now that she got four to choose from… Ugh. Just stop thinkin' about it and let it ride!

But I can't.

It used to be just me visiting her and now it's like I'm never alone with her anymore. Nowadays, at least one of my brothers goes with me to visit her. I know I don't own her or nothin' but I'm starting to feel defeated. I'd rather that none of us has a chance with her. It's better than each of us havin' the same chance … and in the end, she doesn't choose me!

I roll out of bed and check my phone. She texted me three hours ago, wanting to stop by. I gotta turn the volume up on this thing! I run to the bathroom and then check to see if she's come by yet.

I look around the living area and no one is around, no one in the kitchen. I hear tapping in Donnie's lab and go there. I knock. Donnie looks up from his computer. He smiles and waves me in.

"Hey." I say.

"Hey." He says, turning back to his screen. He continues to tap away.

"So where is everyone?"

"Amber is on her way back home with Mikey and Leo."

It stings a little that she came and went without seeing me "I, I wasn't asking about Amber."

"Yes you were. You were going to find a way to bring her up eventually. I just didn't feel like taking the scenic route."

"Ok… how did you know I was lookin' for her?"

"Because Raphael, you're in my lab. You never come in here."

"Well, it's not like she ain't always in here, helpin' you with your brainiac machines and genomes and whatever you guys do." I sit on a nearby stool. I cross my arms and my legs. I guess I'm stickin' around for an explanation.

He stops his work and turns to face me. He begins to speak but stops. He looks me up and down. Then he looks away and a stupid grin grows on his face. I don't like his face right now.

"Raphael, Amber is a breath of fresh air. She asks the cutest questions. I finally have someone who is interested in me and my extravagantly, impressively, huge talent! I needed a DNA sample for some tests and I accidentally tickled her when I combed my fingers through her curly hair. It's very soft. She's become my little helper. You see, her hands are much smaller that mine so she can work very intricately. At first I did have to hold them and guide them, but she is a very fast learner. Ah, those tiny hands. Those limber fingers do things for me, well, that I never thought possible. I'm so glad you met her. I find her very, stimulating." He looks up at me and hums a little.

At some point I realize that I've stopped breathing, I'm digging my nails into my skin and I'm about to give myself a Charlie horse. If my eyes could kill, Donnie's head would be a mural on the wall right now.

His smile goes crooked and he suddenly falls out laughing.

Laughing, laughing.

He drops to one knee and hoots, wiping tears from his eyes. I'm really pissed now but I still can't move. He finally calms himself and sits way back in his office chair.

"Oh boy, that was hilarious! Woo!" He clears his throat. "Raph, I just could not help myself. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of that."

"Donnie, what the fuck? Why did you…"

"Well, maybe you're not the only one who likes to play with their food."

I relax and sigh. "Yeah, I guess I totally deserved that. I'm s-sorry Donatello."

He smiles. "I know you are. And I've noticed your progress since that day. Everyone has … and speaking of what we've noticed, I need to tell you that it's ok that you like Amber."

My eyes widen. "What? What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, don't insult my intelligence! Everyone knows how much you pine over her, except her! We see it all the time. Why, just the other day Leo said…"

"You guys talk about me behind my back?"

"It's not like that Raph. Can you blame us for not including you in these conversations? You would rather knock our heads together before admitting your feelings for her."

I swallow. "Well,… if I admit them now… would you guys promise not to…" I'm too humiliated to say it.

He leans over and places a hand on my shoulder. "Raph, we are rooting for you. Amber may be our new sister. But you will always be our brother." He sits back towards his computer. "And I'm sure that if one day we find ourselves in your, special, situation you will do the same for us." He continues working over his keyboard again.

I get up and go to the door. I want to thank him but…" You know it, Donnie. Ok, I'm gonna go…"

"Say hi to her for me?" he says.

"Sure." I leave.

…

I'm halfway to the bookstore when I hear soft voices. I slip around a corner and see Leo and Mikey coming from that direction.

"Hey bro, what up?" Mikey says.

"Nothin'. I was just about to head over to Amber's and hang with you guys."

"Well, she just kicked us out. Her friends were about to arrive. They are taking her out to dinner." Leo says.

"Oh, cool." I say and turn to walk back with them to our den.

As we quietly walk along I start to hear Mikey giggle. Then he mumbles something to Leo. Leo holds in a chuckle. I sigh and turn around. "Alright guys, If you's is laughin' about what I think you are, then you can just cool it. I already talked to Donnie and… I know that you guys know… how I feel about… someone."

They both gasp.

Mikey says, "Raphael! Did you just openly admit to us that you like Amber?"

Leo speaks, "Yes, I believe he did."

I look at them back and forth, waiting. "Well? C'mon! Ain't ya gonna tease me and make jokes? Like how I got urban jungle fever? Or the one where once she goes green, she'll never go back?!"

Their eyes get even wider. Leo clears his throat and Mikey speaks up. "Whoa, no, no Bro. We are totally excited for you. We think Amber is awesome and we hope you get the nerve to tell her how you feel some day."

"Yes, Raph, and just be yourself. Things will happen in the right time. You give hope to all of us." Leo says.

"Ugh you guys! I'm so confused. I don't know what do say or how to act. I got these things I want to say and do in my mind all the time but I just freeze up! I'm thinkin' If I do what I really want to do she might hate the real me. Not that I don't act like myself but I edit myself…a lot."

"I think that's natural. No one pours out their heart to someone they just meet." Leo says.

"But I've known her for four months now. I know almost everything about her. When we're alone I ask her to tell me stories about herself. And she does it freely. I like her stories and how she tells 'em. When she asks about me, I tell her about our patrols or our adventures. Nothing is just about me! What else is there about me outside of what I do with you guys?"

"Don't' sell yourself short, Raph." Leo says "There is much more to you than fighting with us."

"Like what?" I ask.

Crickets.

"Well, you love motorcycles. You've built three from scratch already and this new one you're working on is gonna be the sweetest of all! And when it's done you could take Amber on a midnight ride through the city!" Mikey says.

Leo says, "Yes, and you can show her all the places you like to go at night. You've found some pretty spectacular views of the city not many people will ever get to see."

"Yeah and besides. The more time you spend with each other the more your own stories will become your… both stories? Shared stories? Y'know what I mean?" Mikey tries.

"Yeah. I know what you mean. And thanks too…for not teasin' me."

"Didn't even cross my mind Bro… But if I was gonna say something, it would be more like, "Oh Raph! I bet you can't wait to dip your red strawberry into her milk chocolate!"

I could have snapped right there and pushed Mikey over the railing, but I sigh really hard and roll my eyes at him, "Yeah Mikey, that would have been real funny." We continue to walk towards home and my phone beeps. I check the incoming text. It's Amber:

'Missed u tdy. Hope we can hang 2nite. 9p or L8r?'

I wanted to respond 'Missed u 2! I'll b there 9p sharp! Ima stay all nite and have u ALL 2 myself!

Instead I respond: 'Sure.'


	10. Chapter 10

**10 Giving Thanks**

The days are getting shorter which means I've been able to spend more time with Amber. I decide my brother's ain't total dorks so I take 'em up on their advice. Amber and I fly across just about every bridge connecting Manhattan to the outer parts of the city on my newly finished bike. She has never been on one before, so we take it slow at first. She's holding on to me real tight but I don't mind one damn bit. She gets into it quickly and yells at me to go faster. And faster… and I do…until the police spot us and I get to show her what my ride can really do. I'm cool the entire time, weavin' through traffic and soaring off ramps, but I think Amber almost loses her religion. I never heard the word 'shit' sound so sweet… and so many times in one outing. We eventually dodge the cops, like I knew we would and park in a dark alley. I hoist her up on my shell I climb up onto a high apartment building. From there the city sparkles and the hum of life below is my type of music. We lean against the old bricks and take it all in. She touches my arm and she looks around. Our helmets are on but our shields are lifted. We don't speak. We just stand there and listen to New York. I look over at her. The chilly breeze hits her face and I see her mouth is quivering. She's wearing a slim leather jacket, knee-high boots and tight jeans so she couldn't be that warm in this weather... she looks sexy as hell though. I'm fully covered in a black body suit and, what I like to call, my 'nazi kickin' boots. I face her and look into her eyes. I close her shield, and then I close mine. I take her hand and we head back town to the street.

We pull up in front of the bookstore around ten and Amber dismounts from behind me. She stands beside me from the sidewalk and takes off her helmet. As I lift my shield to see her clearly I suddenly get nervous. Her long twisted hair flies freely in the wind, caressing her face. Her lips are almost blue from the cold. I wish I could remove my helmet fully and kiss her, but there's a couple passing by, walking their dog.

"I've never been so scared or so excited at the same time! And forgive me for cussin' so much. I thought I was gonna get tossed away from you a few times." She says.

"Naw it's ok. I woulda never let you get away from me." Wow. Did I just say that? Feelin' the rumble of my bike under me must make me feel more ballsy.

"I believe you, now that I'm alive to see it." She smiles through chattering teeth.

"Why don't ya go on inside? We'll all be by tomorrow. I'll come over with Mikey earlier and help in the kitchen wherever I can.

"Sure, I'd like your help." She turns and walks to her door, "As the taste tester." She teases.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"Um… just bring Mikey with you. If you come to help in the kitchen without him, then at least bring a fire extinguisher."

"Oh my gosh, that little squealer!"

"Goodnight Raphie." She smiles and quickly closes the door.

"Sweet, sweet dreams." I say under my breath. I flip my shield down and speed off toward home.

…

They kick me out the kitchen for the third and final time. I use salt instead of sugar for the pie, I spill the beans, and I drop a whole carton of eggs. Thank God she had a spare. My only job now is to keep the couch warm and answer the basement door when the rest arrive. Amber's still a little bummed about being away from her family for Thanksgiving. That's why she invited us all over her place for the big feast. She said she would have it no other way. I'm lounging, reading a graphic novel. Mikey and Amber are busy in the kitchen. He's making mac-n-cheese and she's baking cookies. We yell at each other back and forth, playing a game I haven't played since I was a teenager.

"I might be an Egg Head, but you're a Fart Face!" Mikey says.

Amber giggles. "I might be a Fart Face, but you're a Goober."

"What? "I might be a Goober but you're a… Hood Rat!" I say.

Mikey laughs out loud. "I might be a Hood Rat but you're an Ingrate!"

"Well! I might be an Ingrate but you're a Jolly Green Giant!" Amber throws back.

We all crack up. "I might be a Jolly Green Giant, but you're a Knit wit." I say.

"Oh, that's a good one!", she teases.

'"Didn't think I would get that, huh?"

"Nope," Mikey says, "because you're a Lamo!" Mikey yells.

"Oaf!"

"Panty Sniffer!"

" Ewe! Q… Queen of the Damned!"

"Raphael!"

We laugh out of control.

"Oh no! My these cookie balls are sticking to my fingers!" Amber whines.

"Raph, she said balls!"

We are roaring now.

Then her cell phone rings from the coffee table.

"Can you see who it is?", she asks.

I lean over. "It's a 4-1-2 area code… Ruthie."

"Answer it! Answer it! Put it on speaker!"

I press the button, walk into the kitchen and place her cell on the counter.

"Hey Ambi Bambi!"

"Hi, Mommy! Oh my gosh, it's so good to hear your voice!"

"How's my baby girl all the way out there in New York? I miss you so much!"

"Oh, Mom, I'm doing great! Much better than I thought." She glances up at me from her mixing bowl. "I miss you too! She finishes the bowl of cookie dough she's been mixing and washes her hands." I'm making my chocolate chip cookies, At least two dozen!"

"Oh, Amber! I love your cookies. I wish you and your delicious cookies could be here in California. Amber the weather is too beautiful for this time of year! Are you sure you can't hop and plane and join us? I'll be out here at your sister's for another week."

"Mom, I told you, I really can't leave. I have to keep the bookshop open on the biggest shopping day of the year, and everyday after til Christmas Eve's eve. I haven't run the store for a full year yet. I want to give my best, y'know?

Yes, Ambi, I know… Hold on, someone wants to say hi." The phone rustles and then a small voice speaks.

"Hello, is this my Aunt Amber?"

"Yes, is this my niece, Y'anna?"

"Yes, it's me. I can't wait to meet you! Gramma says you're pretty."

"Awe, well, Gramma says' you're pretty too. How old are you now?"

"I'm four. I started preschool this year. I like it a lot."

"That's great Y'anna. I can't wait to meet you."

"Ok bye, Aunt Amber. I love you."

"I love you too." Y'anna leaves the phone and Amber's mother returns.

"Amber?"

"Oh Mom, she sounds adorable!"

"She is… Ah, my first granddaughter. I look at her and it makes me wonder when it'll be your turn to give me some babies to spoil."

At that remark me and Mikey decide to go into to the living room. This is way too awkward for so many reasons… We're still listening from the couch though.

"Ugh, Mom! Not again!"

"Oh please, Amber! You've been there almost an entire year and you're telling me there's no guy in the picture?"

"Well, no one I can write home about. And that's not why I moved here. I'm not searching for no man."

"Does that mean you're gay?"

"God. Mom, what?"

I put a pillow over my face and Mikey is on the floor. This is painfully funny!

"Didn't you know Bubba was gay? He wrote to me that after three months of living in New York, he discovers that he's always been gay. He told me in a letter! He's gonna wait 'til he's miles away to tell me. My own Brother! He didn't even call! He wrote it down and sent it to me!"

"Mom, everyone who moves to New York isn't gay."

"I don't know if it's ok with God to be gay or not. And I'm not fit to judge anybody, especially you. You just make sure you're being true to yourself."

"Mom, oh my God, stop! Stop it before you start crying again!"

I fall down on the couch, cracking up silently, breathing into the pillow. Mikey's trying his best to hold in his chuckles. I bet if her hands weren't covered in dough, she woulda hit that speakerphone button ages ago!

"Mom, I'm not gay. I like males. I like guys. Ok? But you might have to cope with the fact that I may never get married or have kids."

"Amber! Don't you dare say that!"

Wow, She's ok with gay, but damn it if she don't get her grandkids.

"Mom, I don't ever want you to stop asking me who I might be dating. And I don't ever want you to stop dreaming about me having kids. I know it makes you happy. But there are a lot of things in my life that make me happy right now. I'm not ready to change anything just yet. And I'm only twenty-four. Whatever decisions I make in the future, marriage or no marriage, kids or no kids, I hope you can still be proud of me."

I don't want to think it, but I'm really, really hoping she is talking about me when she says this.

"Amber, I will be proud of you forever. And whatever makes you happy makes me happy. Gina and Justin are living their lives the way they want. I want you to do the same. If you want to write, write. If you want to run the bookstore, make it your very own. And if you ever meet someone someday who loves you completely, and they find their home with you, don't you ever let him go."

"Thank you mommy." She whispers. "What you just said means more to me than you'll ever know." She pauses. I hear her grab some paper towel and sniffle.

"Awe that's so sweet." Mikey says too loudly.

"Amber is there someone there with you?"

"Uh yeah, I've invited some friends over for dinner. So see? I'm not all alone."

"Well, that's wonderful! Hello girls! Happy Thanksgiving!"

It's funny that her mom assumes we're girls.

Mikey changes his voice to some creepy sounding lady, "Thank you Missus Grant! Same to you! You're daughter is wonderful!" I can hardly breathe!

"Ok Mom! Gotta check on the bird in the oven! Tell everyone I love them and I can't wait 'til Christmas to see you all!"

"Alrighty! Bye-bye, love you!", her mom says.

"Bye-bye, love you!" The call ends. "Mikey, you Looney Toon! What the heck!"

He walks back in and calms himself down as he continues to prep his dish. I stand in the doorway, not wanting to get yelled at for coming in. My phone buzzes.

"They're here."

…

A few hours later, we are still gathered around Amber's dinner table. I know she don't use it much. The pile of books that were scattered across it yesterday is now in boxes stacked in the corner. I like the candlelight and the red tablecloth and the different smells and the warmness of it all. Dinner was amazing! Amber and Mikey are a great team when it comes to the kitchen. Everyone 'Ahs' when Mikey comes in with warm cookies and hot coffee and tea. We all take our share, no matter how stuffed we are.

Amber gets April's attention from across the table by holding up an old tablet. "April, remember I told you that I had heard of you before? It took a while for me to find the source, but here it is. An entry from one of Uncle Bubba's old journals." She thumbed to a folded page and began to read. We are all silent.

"6-14-1999: It seems like the other shops around me are closing earlier these days. I don't blame them. Crime is getting out of control. What is wrong with people? Last night Ludmann's drug store got hit. He's just a nice little old man from Jordan trying to provide for his kids. They sprained his wrist and stole his cash register. The good thing is that the perps were caught, tied up in an alley nearby, cash register and all. The sad thing is that the troublemakers were kids! A bunch of teenage boys lost in the sauce! Where are the fathers for these boys? I know what a good father is. I had one growing up and my old friend from way-back-when is definitely a good ftaher. I don't know who's pulling the strings, but I feel like something darker is going on. So where is this city heading? How can we recover? Who is going to help us? Where is the answer?

Well, I have a theory. On my way back from Clyde's liquor store I walked past Pete's electronics. It was sad to see his windows barred up like that. In one of he windows the news was playing, Channel 6. I don't watch the news much but I stopped when I saw April O'Neil. I recognized her from when she came into my shop a couple of months ago, interviewing me about the recent crime wave. I remembered her quick wit, and that she complimented my japanese artwork on the walls. She even stopped by later that week and purchased a book, I think, Shakespeare? I watched her on the screen as she gave her opinion on the state of our city when she turned toward the cameras... and she thanked Raphael... Now, I've met a lot of people in my day, some more unique than the others but never another Raphael. I felt a sudden rush of hope. What if? What if the answer to get out of this darkness, is in the darkness? I wanted so much to go find out for my self but I'm too far removed. I have thought about selling the shop and moving far away. Even though I would be a real oddball in Japan I would enjoy spending my latter years there. For now, I think I'll stick around. I am eager to witness the upcoming developments. And I wonder, if I'll ever see Miss O'Neil again and we start talking and suddenly share a knowing grin. I'm smiling now as I remember stomping my feet briskly on the pavement toward home, hoping that my boots could somehow be heard as a happy 'Hello again!' to the world below." she closes the journal.

"That's absolutely amazing Amber! I remember that interview. And I still have that book of Shakespeare's works. I can't believe it..." April sighs.

"Whoa! Full circle!" Mikey and Casey say in unison. They laugh.

"I remember that night! Bustin' those jerk's skulls was a piece of cake! Donnie, you perfected your roundhouse kick that night." I say.

"Yes, I do recall that outing. It was one of the first times Master Splinter allowed us go to the surface."

"I'm just happy we proved ourselves to master Splinter, and that the shopkeeper got all of his money back." Leo says.

I roll my eyes.

"It astounds me how our lives seem to be woven together like this." Splinter muses.

Yes, it's kind of creepy, but I'm very glad about it...", Amber says.

We all agree as we start to eat our desert. Cookies, cake and pie, I'm in heaven! I stop mid bite when I notice Amber staring at me. It looks like she's thinking real hard about something. Then she raises her cup of coffee and we all look to her.

"It's tradition in my family to go around the table and give one reason why you are thankful for the person to your left... I'll go first." She turns to Splinter. "Uncle Splinter. I am thankful for you because no one else could have been a better stand-in for my Uncle Bubba than you. You showed up right on time. And I'm thankful that you willingly passed your friendship from him to me." A tear falls from her face.

Splinter's eyes are glassy. He can only take her hand and nod. A moment passes and he turns to look at Donatello. "My son… my brilliant son. I am thankful for you because no matter how much knowledge you acquire, you continually humble me by coming to me for advice. I am thankful that everyday I can count on you never ceasing to amaze me."

Donatello is wide-eyed, "Thank you Father." He turns to Leo. "Uh, Leo. It has been scientifically proven that the body cannot survive without the head attached for more than six minutes…" He clears his throat. Yes, Don, that was a very weird thing you just said. "You being the head of this team of brothers is not without its difficult circumstances and decisions. And your skill of leadership is what always pulled us through. It is also very clear that without you, we would have never survived our many journeys. You are our beacon and I will follow you anywhere, brother. And for that I am thankful." He looks down.

Leo puts a hand on his should and smiles; He turns to Casey. "I am very thankful for you Casey. You risked everything to fight alongside my brothers. Even though we were different on the outside you shared a kindred spirit with us and rushed to our aid without hesitation. I am thankful that I will always have a trusted ally and lifelong friend in you."

I am really surprised to see Casey choke up. Hmph. Marriage musta made him soft. He pats Leo on the shoulder hard and then turns to his wife. "April. Doll, I am very, very thankful for you. I wish I could say all the ways but…I guess the rules say keep it to one thing so… You, you saved my life."

"Oh Casey…" She kisses him lightly on the lips. She turns to Mikey. "Oh, God I hope we make it all the way around the table." Everyone laughs softly. "Mikey, I am thankful for you because no matter how I low I felt, or when I just wanted to give up and drown in my own tears, you were that bright face and big smile and warm heart that chased all my clouds away. You still amaze me after all these years that you can make me laugh when all I wan to do is be angry at the world. Thank you and don't ever change."

He smiles and nods slightly. He almost breaks. "Jeeze April, you got me feelin' all emotional." He sniffles a bit.

He slowly turns to me. We don't look at each other. "Uh, Raph. I'm thankful that… you never told Donnie I used his bo to unclog the toilet!"

"What?", we all shout.

"Kidding just kidding! I had to lighten the mood! Ugh! It feels like I'm trapped in a greeting card!"

We all laugh. Yeah, that does feel better.

"Ok Raph, I'm thankful for you because even though you tease me a lot about how goofy I can be, you always have my back. When we're out there brawling and the battles hot, it's like I never have to worry about what's going on behind me. While you're fighting with one eye, your other eye is always on my shell. I know you got some scars over the years because of what you do and I'm thankful for every one of them Bro." He smiles broadly at me.

"You know it. Anytime Bro." God this is gettin' unbearable. I can't take much more of this! I feel like this is a big therapy session. My stomach is churning, the coffee is getting' cold and I'm the last one to go. I'm thankful that there's only six hours left in the day!

I look over to Amber and I can't help to wonder if she planned it all this way. All those books she reads, she probably got the idea to play the 'thankful game' from one of them just to torture me. Or maybe she wants me to tell her how I really feel about her. I don't know how much I'm willing or able to say.

"Amber, you already know…" I want her to stop me but she doesn't. She's sitting there patiently, like everyone else. They all know I ain't no Edgar Allen Poe, so they're gonna give me as much time as I need. Great. I look at her, her hair in that pretty bun on top of her head, tiny pearl earrings, a deep, red dress with a gold belt hugged against her waist. She reaches down to where my hand rests and grabs hold of one of my fingers. She's tying to help but she's not helping.

"Amber I am thankful for you because… you never looked at me with fear. It's like you expected to meet me that night and never ran…away. I mean, look at us! There's only a few of us in this room, this is all my family. And then there's the rest of the world. You told me once that we may never be accepted, but you… you give me hope that they would accept us. But then again… maybe I don't want them to accept me. Because you do… that's enough, I guess so… thank you… forever…" I trail off.

She put her hand fully into mind. It's so warm. I look around the table and everyone is…crying. I'm trying to find the words for this silent peace that's in the air. I can breathe it in. I feel different. I see hand in hand on shoulder in hand on arm on hand on cheek on lips. It feels like every time I breathe, they breathe. When I smile, they do too. Everyday isn't like this, where you live in the moment and really think about what you have and what you can't live without. I have my family and I can't live without Amber. I can't. She can't ever go away or this table would be incomplete. I would not survive.


	11. Chapter 11

**11 Eve Of Victory**

She's leaving tomorrow to go spend Christmas with her family in Pittsburgh. I agree to stop in from time to time to check on the bookshop. A, 'Closed 'til after the New Year', sign is already hanging on the front door.

I'm in a crappy mood. This will be the first time we'll be apart for so long. I'm slouching on a stool at the bar as she finishes mixing the contents in the bowl. I love watching her. Measuring the flour and sugar, plopping in small chunks of butter. She mixes it with her hands. The forming dough pushes through her fingers. She looks so happy. She goes to the sink and rinses off her hands. She's wearin' that frickin' tank top again…and those damn painted jeans. What a view. She turns back around and catches me staring at her. I stiffen up and she smiles. I clear my throat to speak and point at the bowl. "That looks really good, and it ain't even baked yet."

She tilts her head and looks down at the mixture, "Would you like a taste?" She scoops up a small lump of the cookie dough with her finger and holds it up to my lips. I suddenly tense up. I look at her as I open my mouth and allow her to rub the sugary goodness onto my tongue. At the last moment I press down around the tip of her finger and she slowly slides it out. "How is it?" She whispers.

"Very delicious." I swallow.

She smirks and the pushes the container of raw mixture between us. "Now do me."

My leg is shaking underneath the bar as I dip my finger into her bowl and retrieve a bit of the sweetness. She spreads her lips apart, beckoning me to enter. My whole hand trembles. As I am about to submerge my thick finger into her warm wetness time seems to stop… I know that if I go any further, I ain't coming back. I'll want more of her. And I'll end up taking all of her.

I snap back to reality and decide to smear my finger onto her nose. She yelps, "Raph, you jerk-aholic!"

Thank God! I smile. But then my relief fades as she turns toward the sink, and silently runs the water to wipe her face. Is she disappointed? Oh please Amber, just laugh it off. I'm not that strong!

As she turns off the faucet, I'm already standing close behind her. I place my hands on her shoulders and slowly move down her arms. I bury my face into her soft twists of hair. It smells so good. I speak softly into her ear. "I'm gonna miss you." I feel her shiver and I then I can't help myself. I move my hands lower and rest them on her hips, my thumbs rubbing the bottom of her spine. I brush my lips against her neck and she gasps. I turn her around to face me. I lean down and press my forehead against hers. This is it. It's gonna be hard takin' my time. I'm so thirsty for her.

Then her cell rings. It rings and buzzes. It buzzes itself off the side of the counter, hits the floor and slides over to our feet.

It's her mom.

I let out a big breath of air and release her. She bends down to pick up her phone and answers. I go into the living room and fall into the couch. What. The. Hell! I feel relieved and frustrated at the same time. I should just run back in there, toss her phone down the drain and rip her shirt off… I'll just sit here and get a hold of myself.

"Yes, Mom, everything's good here and you… uh huh… everyone's there now? …Yes, Of course I'm bringing some. I'm just about put them in the oven now… What? No, I'm fine really. Just a little…hot, y'know, just getting busy in the kitchen. Keeping busy, you know what I mean?"

I know what you mean!

"Anyway, I'll be on the first plane tomorrow morning… Yes, yes I know… What? It's been warm and rainy in Pittsburgh all week? Well, that's typical… The weather here? We had a blizzard last night. We got two feet and it's freezing… what? Really? Really! Mom, you don't have to…. Well, it's a long drive and I don't have much furniture… yes,… yes… yes I guess so. Sleeping bags will be fine. Ok…Ok.. I know. Wow, Mom! I'm so happy! I will… Ok. Bye-bye love you, see you soon!"

I hear her walk into the living room. I sit up to make room for her but she goes past the couch to sit in her recliner. It's probably a good idea right now. I would have tackled her if she got too close.

"Well, since it's raining in Pittsburgh for Christmas this year, and my little niece and nephews have never seen snow before, my brother thought it would be a fantastic idea to rent a huge van and drive the whole family here to spend the holiday with me." She says.

I look over at her and her smile can't get any bigger. "I guess we got a lotta work to do now." I say.

"We?" she says.

"Well, yeah. You hafta go out and get a tree and decorations and food. I'm sure you'll love doing that. And I'll stay here and straighten up, fix up and dust off some of the guest rooms up stairs. I can bake to cookies if you tell me how long they take."

"You'd do all that?"

"Sure, why not? You ain't leavin' anymore so you don't need me to watch the shop for you. I might as well do somethin'. Think of it as an early Christmas gift."

"Thank you, Raphael. I totally owe you. And you're right! I have a lot to do." She jumps up, throws her apron off and runs to the closet, snatching her coat and boots. She grabs her purse and yells out the temperature and time for her cookies. She says she'll be back soon. She is really excited. And I need a minute to myself.

…

I ain't no Susie homemaker but I think I do a pretty good job. There is enough furniture on the upper unused floors to move around and fix up two of the extra bedrooms. All that dust nearly killed me. I didn't burn all the cookies. I did a test run with six cookies first. Those are burnt. The vacuum is put away, the counters are wiped clean and the ipod is singin' 'Jingle Bells'.

Amber arrives two hours later. She calls up to me from the bottom of the shop stairs. I help her carry the bags up. She puts the food away as I set up the three-foot plastic tree and lay out the decorations. We work quietly and happily. It feels so natural. It doesn't just feel like Christmas. It feels like our first Christmas. She finishes prepping the turkey and packs it in the fridge. She comes into the living room with two mugs of hot cider. It's not liquor but it's still tasty. We decorate the small tree with white lights, a long string of pearls, gold tinsel and red glass globes. She grins at me as she unwraps the final ornament; a wooden turtle painted white. My stomach tightens up. Where the hell did she find a turtle tree topper? She hands it to me and I attach it to the highest branch. After we wrap her family's gifts and place them under the side table where the tree sits, we lounge on the couch and sit in the warm glow. I would give anything to stay like this with her.

It's now officially Christmas Eve. I gather my things and she walks me down to the basement. I slowly start to head down the ladder and she stops me.

"Raph, I hope you already know… how much I appreciate everything you did today." I nod. "I don't want you to go. But we both understand why you can't stay."

I wanted to say that I would stay all night if she asked me to. I'm too afraid to say this. I don't trust that I would be able to control myself anyway.

"You… and your family, are now just as important to me and my own." she says.

"I know Splinter and the rest feel the same about you." I say.

"I may not see you 'til after New Years. I don't know how long my mom and the rest will be in town. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas… and give you this." She holds out a small red, shiny bag. I come back up from the ladder and take it.

"Can I open it now?"

"Sure, if you want."

I smile and open the bag. I pull out a flat white box. I open the box. Inside is a black, stainless steel bracelet. It's inscribed:

For Raphael. Always, Amber.

"Amber… It's amazin'. But I didn't, and I can't…"

"Raph, you don't give a gift just to get one back. You are the most incredible person I've ever met. And I get to have you as a friend, my best friend… so I don't need anything else", she says as she takes the bracelet and clasps it around my right wrist. It's heavy and durable.

"Then tell me you want?"

"What I want?" She looks up at me. We stand there in the dim light. Her hands are still holding my wrist. I take my left hand touch her chin. Her lips are parted and my heart is racing. What if I'm reading her wrong? What if she turns away? I am a coward. I turn her face away from me and lightly kiss her cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Amber."

I release myself from her hands and leave down the ladder. I don't know if she looks down after me. I hear the heavy lid clank shut.

…

I take my time getting home. I stumble in at two am. I walk toward my room but see Master Splinter in the kitchen making tea. I go in and sit down beside him. He knows me so well. He knows my mind is a bunch of tangled questions. He pours me a cup and we sip in silence for a while.

"That is a very nice gift she has given you." He looks down at my shiny black bracelet.

"Yeah, I know but, how do I return… what do I do when I want to give her everything? How can I tell her how she makes me feel? I'm scared, Sensei. I know she likes me for who I am, but I don't want to push her away because of what I am. I feel like I'm about to explode! There are so many things I want to say, but every time my words get stuck and I feel stupid. I'm a coward. Why was I made like this? Why do I feel these things if… if I can never…" I put my head in my hands. My father places his paw on my shoulder.

"My son, as much as it pains me to see you in such angst, I am at the same time, overjoyed that you are finally experiencing these emotions that you have locked up inside for far too long. You are a man of great passion and strong will. You have no problem showing how you feel when angered. But now, I see Amber has the power to gently snuff out your rage, and because of this, you find yourself without a strategy. You are starting to understand the battle of conflict waging within you because of her. I dare say, she is your strongest opponent, and your only weakness is that you have become blind to your self-worth. Begin to see yourself as she sees you and you will be victorious."

He gets up from his seat and walks toward his room. He turns once more to face me and holds up the small journal he's been keeping, "I suggest if you want to reach her heart, perhaps try speaking her language… Goodnight my son, and Merry Christmas." He leaves.

I sigh and finish my tea. I then go to Donnie's lab, take a pen and a tablet of paper and head to my room. I stay up 'til dawn and chase down my victory.


	12. Chapter 12

**12 The Long Way Down**

The buzzing of my phone wakes me. I roll over and pick it up… seven missed calls. I shoot up and quickly try to dial her back when Leo runs into my room.

"Raphael… it's Amber on the phone…" I grab his cell.

"Amber?"

"Raph," her voice is raspy "…I was shoveling the snow off my steps… when the police showed up…Raph…my family, their car…an accident… they're all gone…" I hear muffled cries over the line.

This is wrong. This is very wrong.

"I'm there Amber. I'm comin' right now. Ima be there with you real soon."

"Yes, ok…" she hangs up.

I turn to my brother. I'm desperate for him to give me an answer. He looks at me with remorse. I don't know what to say, so I scream. I drop the phone and fall to my knees and scream again. My blood beats hard in my head.

I feel Leo come to me and help me up, holding me by my shoulders. "Leo, her family, they're all dead. They were on their way here…I have to go to her."

"I'll go with you," he says.

Donnie, Mikey and Splinter are standing at my door. As we leave, our father places a hand on my shoulder, "Let her know that we are here mourning with her, Raphael." I nod and go out with Leo into the sewers.

We arrive at the ladder and I head up and remove the lid. I see Amber, lying on the tatami mat. She is still in her winter coat and boots and her back is turned toward me. I call down to him, "She's in here. Stay back for a while." I climb in and kneel beside her. "Amber…" I touch her arm.

"Raph…" She sighs. She takes my hand and pulls me down to lay behind her. "Please, just hold me. I feel like my whole body will fall a part if you don't." I hold onto her as tight as I can without smothering her. She lets out a wail and cries. Her body pulses with each gasp. Her sorrow echoes down into the sewers. My bandana is wet with my own tears. Leo appears in front of us and kneels, resting his had on ours. Outside the small basement window I see the snow is falling thick.

We stay there on the floor until Amber cries herself to sleep. The window is fully covered. I stand up and cradle her in her arms. Leo and I walk up to her apartment. There are decorations everywhere. The small pine tree in the corner is sparkling. There are two plates of cookies on the bar wrapped in plastic. There are red and green presents hiding behind her couch. I nod to Leo and take Amber into her bedroom. I remove her coat and toss it on a chair. I remove her boots and stack them on the floor. I tuck her in as best I can. I sit beside her. I can't help myself. I touch her hair. I caress her tear-stained face. I kiss her forehead. I go back to find Leo standing by the front door. He's already turned off the tree.

"I put the cookies in a plastic container and placed it in one of the lower cupboards. The presents are in one of the spare bedrooms upstairs. I don't know what to do with the tree." He says.

"That's fine. Thanks." The ipod is still playing jolly music. I pick it up and change to one of her favorite stations.

"I can go now if you want." He says.

"No, Leo. Please stay. We can just sit and…"

"Of course I'll stay."

We sit in the living room quietly. The wordless music hums softly. I can see the snow still falling through the gaps in the curtains. I rock lightly in the recliner. Leo is slumped on the couch typing on his phone, and then puts it away. He looks over at me. "I told Donnie that we were all fine and that we would be staying the night." I nod. He leans back and closes his eyes. I never cared what Leo thought, especially about me. But I feel so helpless now. And it's not often we are alone like this. I don't know how to start a regular conversation with him, so I just speak into the air.

"I wish there was more I could do. I wish I could take away the sting, Leo. Even if they had to die, I wish I could take the pain away from her."

He looks over at me. "Raph, the fact that you know her, and are willing to share the pain with her is more than enough. Just think. If you never met her, she would be hurting all by herself right now. She has no one else to call on but you. The foolishness I sometimes hate about you is the very reason you're able to be here to comfort her now." He looks toward her bedroom. "It's strange how things work out, how the world works to balance itself. I don't think we'll ever understand death, especially when it comes to our doorstep, but I do know she appreciates your presence more than ever." I feel a little calm come over me as he speaks. I hate to admit it but he sounds like Sensei. He looks back at me and smiles slightly. I smile back... It's early Christmas morning. Some time during the night we fall asleep. A long time ago someone was born on this day. Some baby is probably entering the world right now. I guess it makes sense that some people may die before the day is over. Fate does not observe holidays.

…

I awake to the smell of fresh coffee. My neck is a bit stiff from the way I slept in the recliner. I look over at Leo and he's still sleeping. I get up and walk into the kitchen to find Amber sitting on a stool with a hot cup beside her. Her hair is pulled into one messy braid down her neck and she's wearing that big long shirt again. She doesn't notice me standing near her; she is writing something very quickly in one of her journals.

"Amber." I say softy.

"Morning, Raph." She does not look up.

I sit down beside her. Her lips look dry and her eyes are red and puffy. I want to throw her book on the floor and wrap her in my arms. Instead, I place my hand over hers to stop her dashing pen. She looks up at me.

"I need to finish this. Then start packing. I can't leave today cause it's a holiday. Tomorrow I'm using my open ticket to fly home to Pittsburgh and take care of the funeral arrangements. I'm going to have a lot of help from old friends of the family, so you don't have to be concerned. My phone has been ringing nonstop all morning." I remove my hand and she continues to write.

"I'll watch the shop while you're away."

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

She makes a face like me want to help is hurting her. She closes her book and looks at me. She starts to speak but nothing comes out. She purses her lips and rests her head on my shoulder. I wrap my arm around her.

"One moment, I'm so full. I feel like I can have everything and then I'm stabbed in the heart and it drains empty onto the floor. Why? Why does God do this to us? He takes the time to lift you up and show you everything that is possible. And then just rips it apart right in front of you? Does he really do it to make us stronger? Or just to watch us snap?" Another wave of tears roll in and I hold tight to her shuddering body. My jaw is stiff. I hope I'm helping her somehow.

She wipes her eyes and grips the front of my shell with one hand. "Raph, even though it's hard, you still have to do what's right, don't you?"

I don't answer but continue to hold her. I look over to Leo. He is up and looking over at us. He face is just as sad as I feel.

Soon Amber takes her journal and goes to her bedroom. She stays in her bed the rest of the day. She doesn't eat anything. I ask her to but she won't. Mikey, Donnie and Splinter arrive later. They join me and Leo in the living room. We chat softly about different things. We eat some leftovers. We stay there waiting for Amber to come out but she does not.

…

Early the next morning we stand in the back of the bookstore. Amber is bundled up holding a small carry-on and her laptop. She hugs us all. She stops to look at me. She kisses my cheek and says goodbye. We watch her get in the cab and drive off toward the airport. My family leaves but I stay back a while. I cry…hard.

…

She's been gone for two weeks now. And the funeral was last week. I would have done anything to be with her. She was there all alone when she had to bury her entire family, and I'm stuck here huddled at the foot of her bed, like a dog waiting for their owner to come home. I feel so fuckin' helpless! What's keeping her away for so long? I try calling her but she doesn't answer. The only communication I get from her has been one text a day:

Meeting my brother's and sister's in-laws. I'll be gone all day.

I'm fine, just busy with things. Text u you later.

I just got in. I'm so tired, Goodnight.

I'm in, Goodnight

I'm in, Goodnight.

Goodnight.

I feel like she's shutting me out on purpose and I don't know why. I roll off her bed and walk into the living room. I turn on her ipod and listen to her favorite music. I think it's boring, but it makes me feel like she's here with me. I fall back into the recliner and it rocks me slowly. It's four pm. Amber won't be texting me 'til about ten. She'll probably stop all together soon. Why is she doing this to me? I'm waiting for her. Doesn't she know I'll listen to everything she has to say? I just want to hear her voice. I want to know what she's feeling….

I immediately jump up and go to her bedroom. I know exactly what I'm looking for. I find it…on her bedside table a dark red journal, and written on the cover: My Raphael, A. Grant, 2010.

I pause before I open it. What am I hoping to find? Guilt hits me. I turn of the music and go sit in the kitchen. I read the first entry.

'7-7-10.

It would not be right to start this journey without mentioning my uncle Bubba. I've written about him before in other journals but for this, he is the genesis of what will be enclosed in future writings here.

My uncle died of liver cancer. The last letter uncle Bubba wrote to me was the strangest of all. Reading it made me think he was telling me his deepest secret before dying. He pleaded with me to never sell the bookshop and to never seal up the manhole cover in the basement. He told me to never be afraid and that he hopes I understand what that means someday. He also told me to only surround myself with people I know I can trust. I've followed my uncle's last wishes and left Pittsburgh to start a new… life? adventure?, here in New York. In my first few weeks of living here I was completely overwhelmed. New York is too big! And the people walk too fast and never look you in the eye. Everyone seems to be the most important person. I almost decided to just stay in the shop and let the people come to me. But I have, since then, made a few acquaintances, just some other local shop owners. We do hang out sometimes and the records store owner is trying to date me. I've been searching to find the people my uncle told me to look for; the ones I know I can trust. I didn't know I had to deny everything I thought was possible and question my sanity to finally find him. … Was he really there with me in my basement or did I hallucinate? Is my loneliness making me conjure up imaginary friends? No. The sewer lid was lifted, one of my beers is empty in my hands and I didn't drink it. He called me 'sweetie'. This makes me wonder about all the stories my uncle ever told me. And it also made me believe that every word he ever put on paper was the truth. We both couldn't be crazy. And I hope my little thief comes back one day.

PS, Happy Birthday to me.'

I read another.

'7-22-10

I was always interested in other people's stories. I like to picture their history in my mind and write them down later. I like to imagine what they thought and felt. I think our short timelines of life are full of great beauty and fascination. No matter how simple the story they tell me, I find a way to pull the magic out of it. But last night the tables were turned. He asked me where I came from and how I think and feel. No one has ever asked me this before. It's like he was offering to become my living, breathing diary. I suppose someday when I'm old and senile and my past won't matter anymore, I'll pick on some young soul who's unfortunate enough, to hear the story of my amazing, early-morning visitor who drank tea with me and wanted to talk about me….'

And the final entry.

'12-25-10

Dear Steven,

I am writing this letter to you to tell you that I finally forgive you. I don't know where you are now or who you've spent your time with while I was growing up without you, but I've found someone that makes my heart so full, there is no more room for the abandonment you use to haunt me with. I was never able to tell my mother about Raphael, but I feel like I can tell you everything. Maybe it's because you two are total opposites, you will never meet in life or in death. I say this, not because I'm angry with you, but because it's true. I love the truth. The truth is that Raphael is strong and sincere. He's a bright light, cursed to live in the darkness. When I first met him his eyes were sharp and cold. But now, he only looks at me with warmth and acceptance. I feel like I could fall a million times and he would always be there to catch me. I know if I'm ever crying he'll hold me. And I know if I had ever had to go away, he would wait for me. And it's not because I'm anything great or immaculate. He is the one! He is the man I know I can trust. And he is who I want. And I've never been more afraid in my life. I don't know when the news will get to you, Steven, that my entire family is gone, ripped away from me in one instant. My hand isn't writing fast enough to put all what I am feel down right now. It's cruel to think that the only way I could have what I want is for my family to never know about Raphael… now that my path clear, I am sick to my stomach. I can only think of what I need to do. Just knowing that he would wait for me, no matter how long, makes me feel like such a monster! But I can't stay in this fantasy world anymore.

Once upon a time, I could have called you Father. But you didn't want to be and you didn't deserve to be. And as much as Raphael has proven himself, by just being himself, I can never call him My True Love. I'm not that selfish that I forget where I came from. It was your choice to walk away and never return. I have walked away but it's time for me to come home. There is no other way for this tragic fairy tale to conclude…

The End

-Amber'

I finally wipe away the tears. My mind is so mixed up. What she feels about me and what she says she has to do…I don't understand. I'm too anxious to think about what she really means. I have to call her. I begin pulling up her number from my cell when I hear the shop's front door ring open. Amber! I open her apartment door and stand at the top of the steps. I then hear two voices; neither are Amber's. I'm silent as I hide behind the door, listening.

"…can tell this will be a substantially beneficial appraisal. I'm betting the condition of the storefront alone will grant the entire building historical security from the city," The old man says.

"I totally agree. Just look at all this charm: original built-in shelving, copper ceilings, and look at the craftsmanship of the flooring!" The bubbly woman says.

I hear them walk closer to the back of the shop. They find the hidden door behind the bookcase and open the door.

"This is simply amazing! A part of American history; a secret room used to make moonshine during prohibition! And the underground delivery trail is still there?" He asks.

'Yes, but the owner is stressing her needing to put down a new floor before we sell. It really is a potential danger, seeing that it leads to virtually all the sewers of New York." She says.

"Yes, it could lower the cost, but it won't take away from the story. Lets see the rest of the building." He says.

They start to head up the stairs toward her apartment and I hide under her bead. This can't be happening. They walk in and continue to invade her home.

"I've known about this shop for years, what's with it selling all of a sudden?" he says.

"Well, there was a family tragedy and the owner had to go back west. We would have been in here sooner but it took her a while to send me a copy of the keys so we could get in… look at this cute kitchen! And there are two more potential apartments upstairs, but the patio has been recently updated." She says.

'Well, then let's see the patio first and work our way down. From what I've seen so far, she can sell the business and the building for top dollar! She could walk away with at least ten, ten point three million maybe."

"Wonderful!" she says as they disappear upstairs.

I quickly crawl from under her bed, and make my way back to the sewers. I leave her journal on the kitchen counter. I forget to put it back. She has abandoned me.


	13. Chapter 13

**13 Real Life**

I get home and head straight into the dojo. I go crazy. I don't remember snapping all the sparring rods in half. I don't remember throwing the wooden rack of weapons through the thin sheet of the door. I don't remember tossing dumbbells and pinning them into the wall. I don't remember ripping the punching back into confetti and I don't remember getting that cut down my leg. I don't know how long it took for my brothers to restraint me, or how long it took to I finally allow myself to cry hard into my father's shoulder. Does he understand me when I finally speak, that she was leaving and never coming back? I don't remember how many days I slept, but I do remember waking up and finding nothing has changed.

I join my brothers in cleaning up the damage I had done in the dojo. I'm ashamed at the animal still inside me. I thought I had killed it years ago. They don't hold it against me. And I know they're hurting too. I help Donnie set up the weapons rack when my phone rings… I look at Donnie and he looks back. I hold up my phone, and then I silence it and go back to work.

Then his phone starts to chirp. He holds his up and looks at the caller ID. He looks at me and silences it. He picks up a screwdriver and starts to secure one of the shelves.

A minute later Leo's starts to buzz. He's on the other side of the dojo sweeping the crumbling wall from the floor. He looks at me and does the same thing with his phone, placing it back in his belt.

Later Mikey walks in through the broken dojo door. He holds up his cell and looks at me, "It's Amber…" he says.

I sigh and nod my head. He answers, "Hello..? Hey it's good hear you're ok…You're back?...Oh, how long?... I don't know. I'd have to ask him… Here? I don't think… uh huh… alright. Ok Amber. Bye." He looks over at me. "She's in town and wants to see us. She wants me to bring her here tonight."

I head out the dojo and press pass Mikey, "Raph, I'm sorry I…"

"No Bro, it's ok." I say, "You guys go ahead and say your goodbyes. I just don't want to be here." And I leave.

…

Me and my brothers come back to the old turtle lair where we grew up from time to time. It's much smaller than I remember. I open an old wooden closet and take out some emergency supplies we stored there: a sleeping bag, some candles, a bottled water and a candy bar. I settle in and plug my headphones into my cell. The music blasts away the eerie silence. I finish my chocolate and down my water and lie back.

I'm such an idiot. All this is my fault. I've cause so much pain to my family. If I would have just left her alone, or not gone back, or went up that ladder, or got mad at Donnie, or ever been born… how for do I gotta go back to fix this? I should I have done something more. I should have told her how I felt. I shouldn't have been such a coward. I should have held onto her and kissed and told her everything I was feelin'. I wonder if that would have changed anything, or if I'd just be feelin' much worse right now. I start to doze off. I guess it is easy to run away. I can go back home anytime, but I don't want to go right now.

…

I get back in at nine am. I look over toward the living area and see Mikey, Donnie and Leo sitting on the couches. Master Splinter is in his chair. I nod at them and head toward my room. I guess she came and went, or maybe didn't even come at all.

"Is he here? Raph?" I hear her voice. I turn back and see her sit up from behind the cushions of the couch. My stomach cramps up. She gets up and walks over to me. She looks so different. Her face is done up like some super model and her hair is bone straight, flowing well beyond her shoulders. She doesn't look like herself but like some shiny copy. I don't like it. I thought I would be angry facing her but all I feel is strange.

"I stayed here all night waiting for you.", she says.

"Oh. All night? And how did that make you feel? Waitin' what, oh twelve hours for me? Try a whole month and then get back to me."

"I would have waited longer. I didn't want to go without seeing you."

I'm exhausted with this, "Well you got what you wanted. Here I am. Now what?"

"Raph, I hope you know that I didn't mean to hurt you. And I hope you understand why I have to do this."

"I don't understand. I don't know why you have to go back and I don't know why you're running away."

From me.

"I'm not running away. I'm finally going home! I should have never left Pittsburgh. Coming here was just me being adventurous and rebellious. I had a job lined up for me right out of college. I could have been an online journalist for the newspaper there. I should have stayed with my mom and held on to the few friends I had there but, I wasn't thinking long-term. If I would have stayed, I wouldn't have missed our last Thanksgiving, and they never would have been on that stretch of road to be here with me for Christmas. I should have followed my own dreams instead of pursuing my uncle's."

I know it's a selfish thought but it hurts me when she keeps referring to Pittsburgh as home. What about New York? What about Brooklyn? What about the bookstore? What about me? I want her to be happy and do what's best, but I'm afraid that would hurt me the most.

"Amber, I know you probably been blaming yourself everyday for what happened, but you shouldn't. But what you're doing now, it's… it's not fair, Amber. Some time ago you ask me not to back away from you. And now you're tell me that you're backin' away from me forever?"

I don't fuckin' care how desperate it sounds. I am desperate. "Amber please! Ya know none of us can't do nothin' about the past. All we can do is move forward. Can't you move forward…with us?"

She stands there and starts to cry. None of my family moves to comfort her. They are all looking at me from the living area. I'm not moving either. I'm scared to say or do anything that might make her run out my door.

"Raph, I didn't want to make this harder than it already is. Now, please. Come here and just say goodbye to me." She opens her arms to me.

Now I am angry.

"No." I say.

"What?"

"I said no. I'm not gonna hug your or give you a friendly handshake and make like what you're doing is ok."

She steps closer, "C'mon Raph…"

"NO! I ain't gonna help you feel better for makin' this choice! And I sure as hell ain't gonna give you the satisfaction of pattin' me on the back when all you did was stab me in the fuckin' heart!" She looks hurt. But I don't care. I'm hurting too. "Amber, you didn't call me or return my calls. You stopped texting me. Did you know I was in your home when those people came in looking to sell it? You were just gonna skip out on us. You were gonna pour cement over the manhole cover and forget all about us! You were too wrapped up in your own feelins' that you didn't think about mine. You are the coward. You made all these moves and decisions without tellin' me. So you can keep your hug and your bullshit goodbyes. You wanna leave like this? You remember it like this!" I turn and walk toward my room but she grabs arm and I snatch it away. She screams my name and I turn around.

"Don't you understand? I lost my entire family! I'm the only one left. It's just me!"

"Then why are you willing to go back there and be all alone? We are here! We are you family too! You said so yourself! And now, we're all you have left!"

"You're not enough!"

There it is. The thing I've been most afraid of. What was I really asking her to do? To forget where she came from? To live a secret life with me? To love me and never be able to marry me? To never be able to give her normal children or a normal life? I am not enough. I never was. No matter how hard I try I can't change the world. My knees sting as I hit the floor. I look up at her, pleading for her to take it back, but I know she won't.

"I, I can't loose the family home. I can't loose everything my mother worked so hard to give us. And I can't forget my roots. New York is fantasy world I got lost in. And as far as anyone else is concerned, you're just a fictional character."

"Amber..." I whimper. Not being real to her is much worse than being a freak.

"More than half of me wants to stay. But I have to do what's right and finally take hold of my responsibilities. In the end, it doesn't matter if I was happy. All that matters is if I'd done the right thing." She turns to leave. "I know my own way back. I'll never forget you. And I'll never tell anyone about you."

She's gone.


	14. Chapter 14

**14 The Thawing**

Everyday at least one of my brothers comes in to check up on me. They bring me food or just sit by my bed. Even April and Casey stop by one day. She kisses on my forehead. One day Mikey visits m, he tells me I smell bad so I go take a shower. I come back to my room and some one has changed my sheets and left me a sandwich. The only person I had not seen all week was Master Splinter. I go to his door and knock. He invites me in.

I kneel and bow before him respectfully. I don't say anything. I figure he knows all my questions anyway. I wait for him to speak.

"I was only a pet rat when my family was taken away from me. The only thing I felt when I escaped from the burning house was my instinct to survive. It was not until I was mutated could I recollect all that had happened. I realized how much I had lost and was very mournful. The only thing that kept my mind from unraveling was that I had to stay strong for my new sons." He gets up slowly and kneels in front of me, placing his hands over mine. "She was afraid of loosing everything she had ever known. Now she is trying to survive the hurt and dispare that fate poured over her without reservation. We always get to say hello to everyone we meet in this life. We rarely get to say goodbye. Amber did not get the chance to say goodbye to her family. Will you deny her the chance to have a peaceful parting with you?"

My tears cover his hands. I look up at him. "No, Father."

"Then I suggest you go see her soon. She is leaving tomorrow." I hug him and get up to leave. He calls to me. "And Raphael, when you see her, tell her everything and leave nothing for regret."

…

Never thought I would find myself here again. The basement is completely empty except for the bags of dry concrete mix in the corner. I take a deep breath, push the white button and wait. Moments later the large metal door creeps open and I see Amber. I'm a little relieved. All the makeup is gone and her hair is normal and curly again. It's held back with a clip, still a little damp from the shower. I smell the fresh soap all over her. She's wearing a tank top and baggy sweatpants. She smiles a bit and steps aside to let me in. The bookstore is dark. There is a 'Closed until further notice' sign in the window. We head upstairs. The furniture is still there but her books and ipod and dishes are packed away, I assume, in the many boxes in the dining room. We sit on the couch. I see a carton of half-eating Chinese food and her laptop open on the coffee table. There is a movie paused on the screen.

"Raphael, thank you for coming. I know you didn't have to. I want you to know that I'm very, very sorry for what I said. No matter how upset I was, I should have never diminished your validity in my life. You were the only one keeping me together when all this happened. When I look back on what you've done for me, I will always remember that I would not have survived without you. I will carry you and your family and all the memories with me wherever I go. I will never forget you. And everyone I meet will know you through me."

I look at her. At first all I can do is nod. What am I doing? There ain't no more time to waste! I'm already loosing her. Just go for it, even if you sound pathetic. At least you did something!

"Amber I'm sorry… for a ton of things. I'm sorry I got so angry and I'm sorry for not thinkin' things through with you." I move close to her and put her hands into mine. I take a deep breath. Here we go. "Whenever I'm around you I have all these thoughts running through my mind like a cat on crack." Her eyes get wide. I shake my head quickly. "See, I don't know how to put into words sometimes how I feel and it frustrates the hell outta me because you deserve to know everything. And I always thought my actions would creep the hell outta you so there are a lot of times where I just gave up. I never asked you how you felt about me 'cause I was scared. But now I'm gonna tell you exactly how I feel about you, Amber."

I drop her hands and stand up. I pull out a folded piece of paper from my belt and calm myself. "This was your Christmas present. I couldn't give it to you before so now seems the only time I have left.

I pause:

She is the breath of life, like a baby's first.

She is a deep blue lake, like I'll never thirst.

She is a soft voice, like all love songs.

She is the energy, like making me strong.

She is a big smile, like my bad mood killer.

She is the Lenore, like my Poe, Raven thriller.

She is a warm touch, like cooling the sun.

She is the final part that makes me one.

Amber puts her head in her hands and sits there silently. This is not what I expected. I wait but she doesn't move. I then see her shake a little and she's sniffling, still no words.

I've never felt so vulnerable before. I feel like I'm standing in front of her with no shell on. The silence is hurting my ears. Why won't she say anything? I just want to throw my paper on the floor, run to the sewers and never look back. But she's the one saying goodbye. I will never see her again. I can't have that. I feel so desperate now, like air and water don't matter without her. I don't have anything left. Without her, I don't see a tomorrow. I don't even want one without her.

"Raphael?" She finally speaks. I tense up. She slides her hands down from her face. Her big brown eyes spilling tears. "I don't' know what to say…"

"It's ok. I think I understand…" my voice hardly above a whisper.

"Do you?" She gets up and stands in front of me. She takes me by one hand, " Raph, what you did, what you said… I can't put into words how you make me feel."

We stare at each other. I take her other hand. I wait for her to continue. I have so much fear right now. I don't know how this will end. I can't just stay silent anymore. I have to just say it. "Amber, please don't leave me. If you leave me…I won't have a home." I break. "Amber, I…" My vision is blurry. She pulls me close.

"Raphael. I won't leave. I want you in my life…and I will never leave you. I don't care about what I might lose to have you. If I get to be with you, I'll have everything I want."

She presses her full lips lightly onto mine. A miracle is happening. Amber makes the entire world disappear. That one warm act of love hits me to the core. I kiss her back firmly and wrap my arms around her. All that exists now is this kiss, is her and me…us.

…

For it being the end of February it's really warm outside. Spring it on its way, the snow is melting. the sunshine is so bright, and the big sky has never been so blue. Jeeze I sound like a spaz. I guess that's ok for today.

We all stand together around a simple stone garden in the corner of Amber's roof patio. We listen somberly as she speaks. "My Sister Gina, her husband Thomas, their sons, my nephews Tye and Robert. My Brother Justin, his wife Monique, their daughter, my niece Y'anna. My Uncle Brian and My Mother…Ruth. I want to finally introduce you to my new family, my brother and sister Casey and April Jones, the Hamatos, my brothers, Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, my Uncle Splinter and my Raphael. It has been a year since my Uncle Bubba died. I think it is fitting to change this day of mourning into something we can celebrate. This time last year I was aimlessly roaming to find my place…now I know I am home."

We each light a match and light a candle for our family that has passed away. Splinter lights the one for Uncle Bubba and Amber lights the three for her siblings and mother. We all stand silently for a while then take a pillowed seat around the large short table and eat hot soup and sip tea and coffee. We sit and talk until evening. Everyone goes inside to get warm and ready for bed. Amber and I stay up there 'til all the candles go out. She climbs up in my lap and lays her head on my shoulder. We sit quietly and watch the final candle snuff out. It's late. I'm sure everyone else has been asleep for a while The moon is rising slowly in the sky.

"The sale of my Mother's house should be finalized in a couple of days.", she says.

"Were you able to get everything from the house that you wanted, or do you have to make another trip?"

"The only things I wanted were the family albums, some heirloom jewelry and my mother's letters. I took them back with me from the first time I left. The rest will be sold at auction or donated to the church my mother attended."

"Are ya really ok with letting all that go?"

She looks up at me and smiles, "Yes I am. I knew it would be hard, but it wasn't as hard as I thought. You helped me with that." I smile back.

"How long do you think it will take to have the new one-sided windows installed on all these floors?" I ask.

"They should be done next week and then you guys can finally move in."

"Can't wait." We'll always have our sewer den but I'ts gonna be nice callin' this place home. There's so much room. I'm glad she's willin' to share this with us. I'm happy for Master Splinter the most. I'm glad he can have fresh air and sunlight in his old age… I wonder when there will be a candle for him. I hope it's not for a long, long time. I shiver.

"Maybe we should go inside." She says. We stand and walk towards the door. She stops and turns to me and kisses me. Her full lips light something deep inside me and I pull her close. When she moans into my mouth I almost snap. I don't want to lose control. At least, not yet. But then Amber pulls away slightly and licks my bottom lip. I'm on fire. I force her hips close to me and bury my face into her neck, sucking and tasting her feverishly. She's so sweet. She leans back and gasps, cupping my face with her soft hands. I growl. She calls out my name. I've lost it. I slip her sweater from her shoulders and trace her collar bone with my tongue. Yes, keep saying my name! If I can just reach one of her round ample breasts, it's curtains! Just then a chilly wind hits us and she stops my pursuit.

"Wait." She pants. I breathe heavily, pulling her away but not letting go. I must be moving too fast for her. But damn it, she started it! Then I look into her big brown eyes and I know she wants this too. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small folded piece of paper. "Before anything else happens Raph, I want you to have this. It's my feelings. The types of feelings I was too afraid to tell you about because I thought you'd back away from me. I've held onto this for a while but I think it's time to stop holding back." She places the gift into my hands and runs down the steps.

I'm all alone on the roof and in a daze. I guess she wants me to read it now.

'10-9-10

It's getting harder and harder for me to ignore that Raphael is not just my friend, he's also a guy. The guy I've been spending more and more time with… alone. And it's becoming easier and easier for me to take advantage of that fact. Why am I testing the boundaries? And why do I want that kind of attention from him? I show more skin than I usually do and I find myself making excuses to touch him. This sick thought keeps running through my mind; What if he suddenly attacks me? What if he grabs hold of my body and bites the flesh of my neck? What if his instincts take over and I allow him to do whatever he wants to me? I find myself staring at him and feel myself getting hot. I wonder what he's workin' with. I wonder if I can handle it. O my God! I'm starting to get too raunchy, even for myself! I try to get a hold of myself when all I want is for him to take hold of me! CALM DOWN! I'm pretty sure he's never been with a woman, but I'd never ask him! And I've never gone all the way either… No one has ever sparked my desire like he does. I wonder what my life would be like, to never share a bed with man and only make love to him. I wonder how possible it could be. I would be so ashamed if he could read my thoughts! I sometimes get anxious, hoping I don't give off some strange vibe he can pick up. Even if he doesn't feel the same way, there's still something gnawing at me to let him know how sexy I think he is. I'm not stupid though. I'm not going to do anything else that would jeopardize our friendship. I'll keep these feelings to myself, for now. Still, one day, I won't be able to control myself and I'm going to ask him, "Raphael, what turns you on?"'

Hmm… I dash down the three flights of steps and find her standing in her bedroom doorway. She is NOT wearing that big long shirt. I pick her up hungrily, carry her inside, my lips touching hers, "You do." I say.

I slam the door shut behind me. And the rest is history.

-The End

Thank you for reading! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review!


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